Should I Respond To Matches If I Am Not Interested?

When dating online we often receive e-mail from matches whom we are not interested in. It happens to all of us, men and women alike. So what do you do when you receive an e-mail from a man you are not interested in? Should you respond and say a polite thank you, or should you ignore his e-mail?

It is common practice for women not to respond to matches if and when a woman is not interested. Some say it is not polite and you should at least let someone know. But I personally think that you are under no obligation to respond to someone who has only sent you one single e-mail. Considering that men usually blast bulk e-mails to multiple women, with the average response rate of 5%, you don’t need to write to every man who sends you an e-mail online if you are not interested. If you are receiving between one and three hundred e-mails a day from men on a dating site, there is absolutely no way you can not only respond to each one, but even read each single e-mail. Typically, what we end up doing is looking at the first photo included in the e-mail and the short profile summary included in the e-mail that states the age and the location. If any of those are out, we typically just delete the e-mail.

Some men do not understand that women are overwhelmed with responses to their dating profiles and expect at least an acknowledgement and a “no”. However I believe that in this day and age it must be expected that if you don’t hear back from somebody, the person is simply not interested.

Some cases however warrant a polite response. Those cases include when a man has hidden his profile and you ask to see his profile in response to his initial e-mail. When the information in the profile does not fit your requirements it is better to always write back and say something to the affect, “beautiful pictures and a fantastic profile, however, I do not think we are a match.” Most men will appreciate this kind of response.

What To Write to Men On a Dating Site

What to write to men on a dating site, how to communicate with men on a dating site and how to get a man to meet you via on line dating are the questions that many single women ask me. And they have a reason to. The way you communicate with a man on a dating site can significantly impact his decision to meet you in person. See many women make a huge mistake when they write to men on dating sites. Even when a man initiates contact via online dating site, women often mess up and the man loses his interest. This page talks about the biggest mistakes women make that mess up their chances of meeting a good man on a dating site. Here is an e-mail I received from a reader.

Hi Elaine,

When I talk to men online on a dating site I write lots of details about my daily activities, about my work, my kids’ school, even my dog. I put a lot of thought into each e-mail I write to a man on a dating site. This is also the kind of information I am looking for from the men I write to. I ask men lots of questions in my e-mails. I ask them about their day, about the job and other things about their life. Maybe I am not asking them the right questions or don’t know how to ask so they respond. In return I get very short answers from the men I write to. They don’t answer the questions I ask them in my e-mails. They don’t share much information if any in their e-mail responses. My e-mails to men on a dating site are usually ten times longer than theirs. They usually want to speak on the phone right away. But how am I supposed to get to know someone over the e-mail if they don’t want to open up? How can I get to know a man on a dating site if he doesn’t want to share any personal information? How do I get a man to open up a little via e-mail?

Thank you

See, a lot of women unknowingly turn great men off on a dating site before they even get a chance to meet, and alas! they end up never meeting a great man who otherwise could have turned out a soul mate.

I talk to many men who date on line. The biggest complaint that I hear from men is, why is it so difficult to meet someone on a dating site? Why do women want to talk endlessly but don’t want to meet? Many men assume that women who write a lot are needy and lonely and don’t have a life. I met a great guy on a dating site whom I ended up dating. When I asked him about how many women he’d met on that same dating site, he said he’d met two women before me. Neither one of them he was attracted to. When I asked why only two, he said, “you know women want to write a lot. I don’t like writing back and fourth for two months. It’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t like writing to a complete stranger either,” I said,” you meet, you size each other up; there is either chemistry or there isn’t.”

“Exactly,” he said, “I guess those women are just lonely and have no one to talk to. I don’t know.”

See, a lot of women believe that you can have chemistry via e-mail. That is not true. Additionally, when a man actually likes writing long e-mails back and forth for a long time, that in most cases means he is not interested in meeting her. I've known men, my male friends, who were not even on the market to date a woman but were communicating with women online on a dating site. When I asked them why they did that, they all said it does good to their ego to see that lots of women are interested in them. At the same time those men were too busy in their own lives and did not have the need or the time to date.

As far as e-mail chemistry goes, as many women think. A long time ago I met a man online on a dating site. We wrote each other long e-mails and by the time we got to the phone we knew each other’s life story. Then we talked on the phone every night for three hours for a period of two or three weeks. We wanted to meet soon by our work schedules did not work together well. Finally I said I’d call him when I am in his area to meet for lunch or something because I was working for a financial institution and traveled a lot. One day I was in his area where he worked. I called and he was able to meet me. I was in a hurry and told him on the phone prior to our meeting I would only have five minutes but I really wanted to see him in person. His dating profile had only two photos, black and white and no close up of his face. My goodness, when I saw him I almost chocked on my saliva. He was not attractive at all, had a big nose that I couldn’t see the size of on the pictures, and reddish blond hair that I don’t find attractive at the least, which black and white pictures did not disclose. He was walking kinda odd like he was unsure of himself or something. His back was hunched. His arms passively hung like two ropes as he was walking as if he was paralyzed and they were out of his control. When he saw me, a nervous smirk that resembled a convulsion came on his face. He didn’t give me a hug but hesitated and gave me a handshake instead. As he squeezed my hand in his huge sweaty palm, I thought I was getting nauseous. He was truly repulsive to me.

After that incident I never put so much time into a man I’ve never met in person. Just because you think you know somebody through e-mails and phone calls, doesn’t mean you will have chemistry when you meet in person. But if you want to know how to get a man to open up online and how to communicate with men online, sign up for free advice newsletters Click Here

Where can I meet good looking people to date?

Online dating without a doubt is the king. But how about other places to meet good looking people? Here are some tips to help you navigate through the dating maze.

Beach – Public beaches bring together a lot of single men and women with the most stunning bodies. Here are some tips for meeting good looking people on the beach.

If you are a girl, you really don’t need to do anything other than being yourself. All you need to do to meet great looking guys at a public beach is to simply show up. Find a good laying spot where groups of single men of appropriate age are hanging out. If you walk by those men to and from the ocean, I guarantee they’ll make all kinds of compliments even if you don’t glance at them. Don’t believe me? Try it! Here are the kinds of compliments I get from guys at a public beach, “I love your swimsuit”.

I get that all the time. I don’t think that men love my swimsuit. I think they love what’s underneath but that’s ok.

On my recent trip to Florida I spent several days at the beach. While I was enjoying the sun and all getting tanned, men came up to me in packs without any solicitation whatsoever and asked if they could get me anything, like drinks, food, etc. from the restaurant at the beach, which by the end of day got me pretty buzzed.

On the other hand, a public beach is a fabulous venue for your first date, and if the weather allows, you should go for it. In case the man you are meeting declines meeting you at a beach or take you there on your first date, you know he is hiding something.

Dance clubs – if you like dancing and can dance like no one is watching, as they say, then a dance club is a perfect venue for meeting hundreds of single men. Men love going to clubs for the sole purpose of picking up chicks, so it is a paradise for finding a date. If your favorite dance club has a little stage, get right on it. That way everyone sees you and you can see everyone. Then as soon as you step down for a drink of water, men will follow you in packs to buy you a drink. Another tip on meeting men at a dance club is if you notice an attractive guy you’d like to meet, simply look at him as if you were already engaged in a conversation. It’s a man’s character to buy a drink to any girl at a club even without a slight chance of a conversation after doing so. That way, if you do engage in a conversation after he’s offered to buy you a drink, he’ll be ecstatic.

Online Dating – I consider online dating to be the best place for meeting people. Dating sites offer a fantastic opportunity to select members not only by their education, job, marital status, number of children, but also by their looks. So, if you don’t find a man attractive, you just don’t respond to his e-mail. And if he bugs you too much, you can block him from contacting you ever again. That’s the beauty of online dating. Safe, secure, selective. Read my post about how to meet good looking people on a dating site

Once you have decided to try out online dating, you need to pick a dating site that will be most useful considering your needs. If you want to ultimately find a serious relationship, I recommend a mainstream dating site such as The #1 Site For Love It has been around for a long time and has built a solid reputation as a trustworthy dating site. Once you register on a dating site, read how to meet good looking men online.

Why you should not be dating on craigslist

Craigslist is a fast and free way to get a lot of dates online. No hassle, no credit card, and no waiting for your dating profile and pictures to be approved. You write a short profile, or not profile at all, just say what you are looking for and post your picture if you like. Now, there is a huge problem with craigslist however. And that problem is the option for other online daters just like you to flag and remove your personal ad. If you browse online daters’ ads on craigslist, you will quickly notice that many profile headlines that are there have no actual dating profile once you click on it. Instead of the interesting dating profile of the person whose dating headline caught your eye, you see a message “this listing has been removed by the craigslist community”.

What does it mean? That means that your competition (which is the other online daters of the same gender) noted your fantastic profile and stunning pictures and decided to go against you by deleting your post.

Thus, when you look for singles on craigslist, all the good ones are gone, and the only people left are those who cannot possibly create competition to anyone.

It literally takes minutes for your profile to be removed. Now, if you don’t believe me, try this experiment. Post a lame profile with no picture and see what kind of responses you will get. Sometime later, post another profile with a well thought off write up and a really nice picture of yourself that you like the best.

Even better, just post a picture, but it has to be a very good quality picture, not a camera cell phone pic.

From my experience, it generally takes less than one hour for my personal ad to be removed from craigslist. I just did an experiment. I posted a one liner on craigslist that said “Men 30 to 50 need to apply. Inquire for more details”. I forgot to say that my dating ad headline was catchy compare to what you normally see on craigslist. Amongst all the “Looking for my Prince Charming” type headlines mine stood out “Model, Actress and Entrepreneur needs a date” . I also posted a picture – a must (even on craigslist). And it was this picture that I have in this post.

Ha! My personal ad was removed within an hour or less. That’s why you shouldn’t date on craigslist unless you are butt ugly. If you want a free dating site, try this one Click Here

Dating Site Photos – Pictures That Attract Men and Make Them Write to You

Match.com allows their user to upload multiple pictures on their dating profiles. When we search for other dating site members, we can easily deselect dating site profiles that do not have pictures posted. A quick search for single women on Match.com showed that while there were many good looking women, not all of their pictures actually looked attractive. Some women have posted photos that were not close up facial shots, thus deselecting men who would otherwise potentially click to see their dating profiles, some pictures were too dark, some were group photos, etc. Browse Photos of Women at Match.com

Your main dating profile picture should be bright enough to bring out your face from the background, and should not have distracting items in it. Your face should be clearly visible, and that could only be achieved by having professional photographs on your dating site profile. This is because a good camera, combined with good lighting and some digital enhancements will make your face pop. That is the only thing that you are trying to achieve by posting a main picture on your dating site profile. You want your face pop from the screen.

If you have noticed, Match.com allows its members browse profiles that include pictures, and in addition to it, it allows viewing profiles as “gallery view” versus “detail view” meaning that dating profiles are displayed in a way that each is represented by one main picture only, without the write up. Which in turn, means that if your main photo is not good quality, your dating profile will not be looked at by most people.

Here is another tip; desirable guys with options will look at fewer dating profiles, because they are already overwhelmed with responses from women. Least desirable men on a dating site will look at more women’s profiles because they have fewer options. They will try and contact more women in the hopes that at least a small percentage of them will respond. Thus, getting e-mail from men who do not meet your criteria.
We all want to get the best we can, right? Why limit yourself by only those men who are not the best?
Take a look! I have only been on Match.com for less than a month and have had over four thousand views!
Not that I am that hot, but a good main dating profile picture does wonders! If you want to know more about where to take pictures for online dating in the San Francisco/Bay Area, go to http://DatingPhotos101.com/ or if you want to read more articles about dating site photos, check out the blog at http://DatingPhotos101.com/blog

How to achieve online dating success

Whether you are trying online dating for the first time, or have tried online dating before without much success, here are some essential elements of online dating success that you absolutely need to know about in order to find your perfect mate on a dating site.

First, your dating profile will only get you that far. Think about it. You write a perfect well thought-of dating profile. You even come up with a great catchy dating headline. And yet, you are only getting a few e-mails from singles who are not really what you are looking for.

And then you run searches for available singles in your area and come up with a handful of dating profiles that have caught your interest. And then what? Of course you can write to those people who interest you. But if those singles have caught your attention, chances are, there are many other singles who are interested in them. How to you beat your competition on a dating site, when there are so many singles in your zip code directly competing with you?

I personally think that pictures on a dating profile are ninety percent of your success on a dating site. We all love looking at pictures of beautiful people. You included. So, how can you make sure that your online dating profile gets read? You post a picture that gets your dating profile viewed.
The fastest, but far not the best way for a woman to attract men’s attention on a dating site is to post pictures that are somewhat provocative. But those kinds of pictures will only get you unhealthy interest from men on a dating site. Unless it’s an adult-oriented dating site where people are looking to hook-up, stay away from provocative pictures, pictures that show too much skin (unless they are taken on the beach or by the swimming pool), and pictures where you have sexy look.

The best online dating site pictures are clear head shots that show your face clearly and in good lighting. Avoid posting photos where your head is not in the frame entirely, your head is cut off, you are looking away or are dark, taken in bad lighting. You want to make sure you are easily recognized from your online dating site pictures to avoid misleading singles who are interested in meeting you in person. The worst thing that can happen to you when you meet in person is when your date does not recognize you.

I remember one time I wondered into MGM Grand in Las Vegas. As soon as I sat down at the bar, a man sitting next to me initiated a conversation. It turned out, he was waiting for a date, whom he had never met and whom he contacted via a dating site. He said his date looked attractive on the picture that she had posted on her dating profile, but he was kind of leery, because the woman only had one picture posted.

His date was running late. She called to let him know she would be there shortly and we continued talking while he was waiting. In fact, he alluded that he wished she did not show up, because he admitted that he felt attracted to me. I didn’t think I was particularly attracted to him, but I was in Las Vegas alone and didn’t mind spending time talking to a strange man I had just met.

When his date finally showed up, he introduced us. I thought she was pretty, but he did not find her attractive. He later complained to me that his date did not look anything like her picture on her dating profile, and even showed me the picture she had posted on a dating site.
Granted, the photo that the man’s date had on her dating profile was blurry. It was not a close up, but was taken from a distance. While I thought his date was attractive, she apparently was not his type.

Posting a photo that clearly shows what you look like in person is the key to success on a dating site. I decided to make an instructional video that will show you how to take pictures for a dating profile that will show you in the best light possible at the same time giving a clear idea as to what you look like to your potential matches on a dating site.

Online Dating – What Men Want

Meet Your Mr. Right - Click Here

Millionaire Dating

I receive lots of e-mail from my readers asking for dating advice, dating tips, online personals and how does one get the most out of their dating experience on line. Here is one e-mail I recently received from a forty-something year old man:

This has been an interesting five weeks for me. A friend suggested that I try Millionaire Dating Site after he had luck meeting someone very nice on that same dating site. One of the first responses I received was from a "jewelry designer" in Las Vegas. We emailed several times, then moved to a few phone calls over a period of about a week. She sounded as though she really had it together. We started talking about meeting in person. Then she says, "I've got something to tell you." Well...I know that nothing good ever comes after those five words...She tells me that in order to make ends meet, she's a dancer. Always the optimist, I'm thinking a fancy Vegas show. Nope...a stripper. Not exactly what I was looking for.

I've also got responses from escorts, two Playboy centerfolds, and girls who come right out and ask if I'd just like to "hook-up." So...I'm just about ready to strangle my friend...if it wasn't for the fact that I've now limited my profile to those who are listed in my "Favorites".

One of the useful and unique features of the Millionaire Dating Site is that you can limit those who can view your profile. This dating site offers a lot of options that other dating sites do not have. It has blogs, forums, and many other features that I have not found on any other dating site I have tried. And as you should know, I have tried a lot of them.

The nicest thing about Millionaire Dating Site is that you can now register for free, set up a dating profile, and upload photos. Not only that, but you can write a description of each photo you are posting, which is great. Some people write the month and year when the photo was taken, where it was taken, etc. for instance “Black Tie Dinner at the Ferrari Club in San Francisco, January 2008”. Some people write a description of who the other people are on the photo, whether it’s their children, or nieces, or best friend’s girlfriend, etc. so the ones viewing your dating profile pictures do not have to wonder whether other people on the photo are in fact your children, or if it in fact is your ex.

As a woman, the greatest thing about Millionaire Dating Site is that you can just wait for the guys e-mail to come your way and when it happens, you can respond for free. If you decide to actively initiate online conversations, the value for the price is great. Simply comparing other dating sites, such as Match.com, Millionaire Dating Site offers a lot more for a similar amount of money than other sites. Their membership fee is around the same as other online dating sites, although the quality of men and women is a lot more upscale. I don’t know about the escorts and the Playboy bunnies my friend has referenced in his e-mail, but I have met “the cream or the crop” on Millionaire Dating Site. Try it free and send me an e-mail about your experience on this online dating personals.

Online Dating Guide For Women - Say or Not to Say

When writing a dating site profile many of you may be tempted to say certain things in your dating profile. Don’t. Think first. And see why you shouldn’t.

First of all. Never ever say “Don’t want to play games“. Or, “I don’t want a guy who plays games”, etc. Why? Because when you say it, men will not understand what you mean. They say “huh?” It’s not that they (men) don’t feel your pain. It’s because it looks like there is an army of chicks with a loathing to “games” that is borderline pathological. Men don’t understand what you mean by “games“. No one wants to be “played” or be told how great they are and then have your man disappear on you. Worse yet, you find out you are not the only one he is been saying all those things to. Yet, men just don’t get it. It is not like he is just saying all those things to get some sort of benefits. It is just that when he suddenly stops calling, his schedule may have changed, or he is simply not feeling it anymore. The thing is that he does not think the way you are. He does not think “aha! I am playing games now!” Let me recap this. You will continue saying “no players” and “no games” until your PC keyboard is blue but it will happen yet again. Not because all men are players.

And not because they want to play “games”. You give them too much credit. Men are not sophisticated enough to play games. Perhaps they would play “games“, if they could. But they can’t. Men are pretty straight forward creatures by definition. They don’t understand games.

If “games” are what you are referring to is dating multiple women, or trying to date multiple women, read on.

Playing games is a women’s trait. Period. And when you women play games, men do not understand you either. They just think you are not interested and move on. So much for that.

And men can and most certainly will contact multiple women on a dating site. And that is not because they are “players”. That is because men historically have been trained to receive numerous rejections from women, so they don’t put all their eggs in your basket.

And if a man cannot express his feelings as colorful as you, give him the benefit of the doubt. A man’s vocabulary is about one tenth of what yours is. He is not able to express himself verbally as much as you could. Men don’t talk. They act. And the ONLY way to get a man talk endlessly to you is to ask him about how something works. Or ask him something about sports. Or sex. Or some historical event. And if it has something to do with a war, that is even better. He’ll talk you to death. Just remember, if you ever decide to ask any of those questions, you better be laying in bed by then. Because his answer will put you right to sleep.

Women are more than happy being coy and saying “maybe“ when they really mean “yes“, YES!”
Here is what a “maybe” means to a man - “I am not interested and I don’t want to sleep with you, but if you want to pay for dinner, go ahead.” Meaning she wants a free dinner but no kissing.

Secondly, never say “I want a man who knows how to treat a lady”. This is so vague, even I don’t understand what you mean. Men will pass by this statement. If you have specific requirements, say it. But even I, being a woman, do not understand what you mean by that. The only thing that comes to mind is you want him to pay your way. Dinners, drinks, movie tickets and the like. Or perhaps you mean opening doors and sending flowers? If that is what you want, just say it. Most men will gladly do that because it does not take much effort and it pleases you.

Number three. “I want a man who is sensitive”. What the hell is that? Do you mean you want a man who cries? Then you might be looking in the wrong department. And if you say you want a man who is strong and sensitive, isn’t it the same as saying I want a man who is tall but short?

“Dancing like no one’s watching“. This is a personal thing with me, maybe I’m alone in this, and maybe I’m out in left field. But if I see one more woman assert this, in all seriousness, I’m going to gag, because, like no one’s reading.

It’s a nice sentiment. I know. But it’s also more common than farts in a bean factory and c’mon…gals, I’ve seen you in the dance bars. You aren’t dancing like no one’s watching, you’re dancing like you know all the guys are watching and you shake your moneymaker enjoying every moment, every stare and every drooling tongue. So, c’mon…stop with that one, okay?

“Friends first“. Ok, I give up. I really don’t get it. Does it mean you want to go out with a man who has no sexual connotation? Guess what? Men aren’t looking for buddies in a skirt. They don’t even like girls. Sure, they are attracted to them. Sure, they want to have sex with them. But they don’t want to “hang out” with them. Why? Because girls don’t like to drink beer, watch sports, talk politics and look at porn. So, there. Men need you for other reasons. And if you mean talking about shopping and having “stimulating conversations”, you should know that what stimulates you, puts men to sleep and visa versa.

Now, go back, re-read your dating profile and make the necessary changes. Good luck and happy hunting!

Online Dating v. Job Hunting

A relationship is just like a Job/Career. If it does not make you happy and fulfilled, it doesn't feel right. You have to work hard at both to get the best payoff. As you have to be compatible for a specific job so you must be for another person.

Dating Profile is just like a Resume Talking on the phone is like a Screening Interview First Date is like an Interview with the hiring manager The best jobs, like the best relationships, come through networking or word-of-mouth introductions. Successful daters are the ones who have polished resumes (dating profiles) and make great impression during the job interview (first date), bringing a positive, high-energy vibe to the enterprise. Just like people can get pretty skillful at job hunting and interviewing, they can hone their dating skills so that they experience far fewer rejections, make better mutual bonding decisions, and don't find that the whole business leaves them a nervous wreck.

Instead of focusing on "what's wrong with me?" we could be focusing on what works and what doesn't.

Than again, you can be impressed with someone during the screening process (interview) and then discover that the person really trumped up that damn resume and is a lousy employee or has misrepresented himself.

Sometimes there are several suitable candidates for the position and you have to go through multiple job interviews before a hiring decision is made.

The "position" may go unfilled for a while, but eventually this should yield a result. Meanwhile, take a Temp Job.

You can always outsource your dating and stay at home alone. And if you have been self-employed way too long, consider day labor. With those you get no holiday pay, no perks, and no promotion.

But once you get the job, if it doesn’t work out long term, there is a chance you may get severance pay.

Apply for a job now at Yahoo! HotJobs

Dating Safety Tips

Personal safety is something to always remember while using online dating services or even meeting people off line for that matter. Match.com, a leader in online dating, has put together an article devoted to dating safety tips.

Purely Practical Tips From Match.com(For Dating On and Off-line)

Whether you're off on your first blind date set up by a friend or you found your love interest on Match.com, your personal safety should always be priority No. 1. The following guidelines will help ensure your safety:

DO guard your identity.
Don't share your real name, personal phone numbers, or any other identifying information while IMing or emailing until you are comfortable doing so.

Tip: Never post personal contact information in your profile. Don't risk having this information fall into the wrong hands.

DO remain anonymous until you feel safe and ready to explore other options.
Your communication options on Match.com are designed with "doubleblind" technology to help you protect your identity until you choose to reveal it — this includes email, IM and even matchTalk, which allows you to talk on your own phone without having to reveal phone numbers.

Tip: If a person provides his or her phone number early in the email exchange, that doesn't obligate you to use it.

DO use a third party, anonymous email address.
While Match.com's "doubleblind" system conceals true email and IM addresses, hackers can breach nearly any technology. As an added safety measure, set up a third-party email address to use expressly for dating purposes and forward your Match.com emails there instead of to your personal email box.

Tip: Make sure you turn off signatures or identifying information in your email and consider using a P.O. Box for snail mail.

DO be careful when using a sexy name.
Keep in mind that, while using sexual connotations in your email address or user name might get you noticed, it probably won't attract the sort of person you'd like to share a relationship with — or even a conversation, for that matter.

Tip: Also, do not include your real name or city of residence in your profile or in your user name.

DO use a current picture and be truthful in your description of yourself in your profile.
Misleading descriptions or photos can result in angry feelings and can end a relationship before it begins. In the long run, honesty is your best relationship tool.

DO trust your gut.
Immediately quit corresponding if you feel unsure or threatened.

Do keep a record of your conversations.
Remember to save your emails and IMs for future reference. Match.com does not retain copies of your correspondence.

Tip: If you are uncomfortable with an IM exchange, remember to click the "Save to file" link on your IM window.

DO block abusers.
We STRONGLY encourage you to block any member who behaves in an abusive manner and to report the behavior to Match.com. You can block people and report concerns from any profile page or directly from your email or IM window.

Examples of abuse include:
• Married people or minors using the service
• Members sending harassing or offensive emails/IMs
• Members behaving inappropriately after meeting in person
• Criminals or other "shady" characters using the service
• Fraudulent registration or profiles
• Spam or solicitation*
• Copyright infringement
• Members asking you for money or donations
• Any other violation of Match.com's policies
*Our Terms of Use strictly prohibits the use of this service for the purpose of solicitation. Please notify us immediately if another member sends you links to a pay-to-view site or includes instructions about how to call a 1-900 number. Also report invitations to join other singles sites, emails about modeling opportunities or attempts to sell any merchandise or service.


Meeting Off-line — Think Safety First!
A first meeting with any new love interest can be exciting, and most first meetings are perfectly safe. But it's always smart to take basic precautions. Always trust your instincts. And be sure to keep the following guidelines in mind:

DO meet in public.
ALWAYS arrange to rendezvous in a populated, public place. NEVER meet in a private home (or in a hotel room) or in a remote location.

DO tell a friend.
Tell at least one friend or family member you are meeting, where you are going and when you expect to return. Let your date know the meeting is not a secret.

Tip: Contact your friend before and after the date or ask your friend to contact you at a predetermined time.

DO stay sober.
Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions and may put you at risk.

Tip: Stick to nonalcoholic drinks when meeting someone for the first time.

DON'T leave home without your mobile phone.
If you have a mobile phone, take it with you on dates. Most cell phones can be used to call 911.

Tip: Make sure 911 services are available in your area. If not, know your emergency number.

DON'T ask the other person to pick you up.
Get yourself to and from the date, even if you have to have a friend drive you or take a taxi.

DON'T leave personal belongings (purses, wallets) or drinks unattended.
Don't risk having your personal information stolen. The same goes for your drink — don't risk having it tampered with.

Tip: If you must leave your drink unattended to go to the restroom, order another when you return.

DON'T succumb to the temptation to take first dates to your home (or to go to his/her home).
Stay in a public place, even if you are pressured. If you feel pressured, end the meeting and leave at once.

Tip: If you are followed to where you parked your car, stop and hail a taxi or go into another public place to use the telephone and phone a friend. Come back later with your friend to get your car.

DO set up a next date — if you are ready and feel comfortable.
And DO remember to follow all of these tips on subsequent meetings, until you feel confident with your new friend. If the other person is sincerely interested in you, he or she will want you to feel safe.

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Identifying a Player On a Dating Site

Players are frequent tenants on every single dating site. This is something that you may not necessarily know, but ever since the invention of the Internet and weakened social stigma associated with online dating, players have established their presence on their favorite dating sites. They sign up for annual memberships and stay on a dating site forever, meeting new people without any specific purpose. Or, I may have to correct myself here. There is one and only purpose a player has which is to have an extensive phone book literally jam-packed with telephone numbers of women available for a player to date and to have sexual encounters with at any given point.

It is important to understand that a player’s goal is only to build up his “frequent girlfriends” base as large as possible, and the larger the better, the more leverage a player has when it comes to spending a Friday or Saturday night in a company of a women.

For an inexperienced online dater, identifying a player might be as hard of a task as looking for a black cat in a dark room, so I will give you some tips that will help and alarm you when you come across a dating profile of a guy who is a player.

First and foremost. Players always come in the front line of visitors to our newly established profiles. I am not in any way saying that EVERY single e-mail that drops into your box in your first day on an online dating site is from a player, but be always cautions about the e-mails you receive on your first day. Players are always on top of what’s going on in their favorite dating community, so it is only fair that they contact you first. Players have “radars” that allow them to spot a new profile almost as soon as it gets approved on a dating site, and they come to you fast, before you have had the chance to look around and see what you like and what you don’t like and before everyone one else has figured out your presence on a dating site.

Players have made swiping women off their feet their favorite past-time careers. Thus, they know what to say and what buttons to push in order to get a date with you fast without having to stand in line. Their e-mails are all pretty much the same. Players don’t waste their time and get straight to the point. They are so used to getting women fall for them, that they know exactly what to say, and say it over and over. They easily identify the “weak” spots in a woman’s life just by reading her profile. It only takes them one look at a woman’s profile and they know exactly what she is after. A player will usually scan a woman’s profile, identify the area in her life that is lacking something and highlight his alleged features that supposedly compensate for the particular gap in her life in a very concise way. A woman’s immediate emotional response if that she gets not only extremely interested, but plain anxious to meet the man because she is erroneously thinking that he is the guy that understands her and relates to her.

Again, there are some exceptions to this rule and if you are a man reading this who wants to maximize the effectiveness of responses to your e-mails through a dating site, read my posts about writing initial dating e-mail.

Great dating site initial e-mail sample

I have previously written about great ways to initiate contact via an online dating site. Now that I have registered with Match.com, and posted my online dating profile, copy of which could be viewed at Dating Site E-mail, I would like to share with you some of the great e-mails that I have received. For the purpose of privacy, I will paraphrase the actual text, but I promise that the meaning is very close.

The reason I would like to share those e-mails with you is to give you actual good examples of approaching people through an online dating site. If you would like to read my previous post about initiating contact on an online dating site, read this post first. To summarize, in your initial e-mail that you send through an online dating site, you should

• Establish a rapport
• Extend an offer to meet
• Leave it up to her

Here is one GREAT e-mail that I received this morning. So far, it has been an absolute winner and I will call it “Today’s Best Online Dating Site E-mail”. I will comment as we go along on my thoughts that it triggers. My comments are posted in Italics. The real person’s name is changed for privacy reasons. I have to say that this person will most definitely get a date with me, so if you like to have a greater chance of winning a date, read this fantastic example of the initial dating site e-mail. Let’s review how this member has accomplished the three important points in writing an initial e-mail: establishing a rapport, extending an offer to meet and leaving the ball in my court without being too pushy.

Hi Elaine, (Great opening line. My user name has my real name in it, and the person addressing me by my name immediately established a solid foundation for further communication. By mentioning my name he shows that he pays attention and not just sending multiple e-mails to everyone there is)

I have to say that I very much appreciated what you have to say about yourself, the type of man you're looking for, and your view on what others think of you. (This shows me that the person has actually read my profile and is letting me know what he liked about it, thus establishing a rapport) It was all very impressive to me, and not only showed that you've carefully considered the words that you chose to display on your profile, but that you've decided in your mind what you want and how to feel about the opinions of others. (This actually shows to me that this man is more likely to be looking for a serious relationship then for serial dating. A man who appreciates the interpersonal qualities in a woman, and her integrity is one who views relationships seriously)

I'm a 42-year-old divorced man (he tells me his age, which is in my specified age range – good. He has paid attention) who lives in San Francisco. I'm a financial advisor, (briefly mentioning one’s career, but not focusing too much on it is another great way to show that he is a man who has a stable career and a good education this corresponding with a decent level of intelligence, but who is not overly full of himself to talk about it endlessly and descriptively) and I consider myself to have the qualities that you expressed meant the most to you in a man. ( Very good point. He is letting me know that in his opinion he has the characteristics that I am looking for, but again, by saying that he acknowledges that his opinion is subjective but that to the best of his knowledge, he believes that he fits my requirements ) I most definitely have a very well-developed sense of humor, but at the same time, I've demonstrated my ability to focus through the success that I've enjoyed on my career path. (Again, very focused and very much in tune with what I have said I am looking for in a man)

I'd like to get to know more about you, and if you feel the same way, please let me know. Take care, and even if I don't hear back from you, I wish you the best of luck. Take care, Name ;) (Great closing line. Very straight-forward, to the point, and at the same time no pressure)

Dating Site Misrepresentation is actionable fraud

I am sure if you have ever used a dating site to meet potential “matches”, you have at least once come across someone who has misrepresented oneself in an on line dating profile. Granted, don’t we all try to put our best foot forward? But grossly misrepresenting the age, height, the number of children, marital status, body type and other parameters is a growing problem that seems to be becoming more prevalent along with the advent of the online dating industry. Married people looking to have an affair outside of the marital commitment, guys lying about their height by as much as four! inches, women lying about their weight by tens of pounds, twenty-year-old photographs taken at the high school prom. This list continues.

But did you know that misrepresenting oneself in an online dating profile could be actionable fraud? Not that it is worthy of filing an action to recover monetary damages from such persons, but I want to alert people who feel that they have fallen prey to such misrepresentations.

This information is based solely on my own personal research and is intended only for general informational purposes and your response and thoughts. This article should not in any way be construed as legal advice. If you need legal advice, please, consult a Bar-Certified attorney in your state of residence. For such purposes, you may want to request a legal consultation with an attorney here.

Please, refer to footnotes for more information about the actual cases and codes cited in this article.

Revisiting the matter of online dating profile misrepresentations, California Civil Code section 1710 defines deceit for purposes of an action for fraud as:

1. The suggestion, as a fact, of that which is not true, by one who does not believe it to be true;
2. The assertion, as a fact, of that which is not true, by one who has no reasonable ground for believing it to be true;
3. The suppression of a fact, by one who is bound to disclose it, or who gives information of other facts which are likely to mislead for want of communication of that fact; or,
4. Promise, made without any intention of performing it. [1]

Here is a short background from a lawsuit filed by TRUE against one of its members who failed to disclose his felony conviction in his application for online dating services.

DALLAS, Nov. 3 /PRNewswire/ “The leading online relationship service TRUE(R) filed a lawsuit in United States District Court against convicted sex offender Dr. Robert Wells of Walnut Creek, California.

Dr. Wells was convicted in 2001 of attempted lewd and lascivious acts with a child under 14 years, a felony Contemporaneous press reports indicate that Dr.Wells allegedly planned to "abduct and rape" his underage victim.

Upon becoming a member of TRUE, Dr. Wells claimed he was not a felon. TRUE believes this false representation violated both federal and state law.

Upon discovering Dr. Wells' felony history, TRUE took immediate action to increase the safety of its membership base, reporting Dr. Wells to appropriate authorities and taking the unprecedented step of filing suit against Dr. Wells. TRUE is seeking a permanent injunction preventing Dr. Wells from accessing the TRUE.com website and contacting its members. In addition, TRUE believes that Dr. Wells violated federal wire fraud laws when he falsely represented himself to TRUE and its members as a non-felon. This charge could subject Dr. Wells to additional fines, penalties and jail time."

DALLAS, Jan. 14 /PRNewswire/-- "TRUE.com(R), the leading scientifically based online relationship service, congratulates New Jersey legislators for yesterday enacting the nation's first online dating legislation -- which is designed to protect the growing number of New Jersey citizens who are going online to meet potential dates. The Internet Dating Safety Act (Senate Bill-1977/A4304)[2] requires online dating services to disclose their criminal background screening practices and to offer safer dating tips on their sites. With the growing concern nationwide about online safety overall, this legislation reinforces TRUE's steadfast commitment to safer online dating.

TRUE's first lawsuit was filed in November 2005 against a convicted
felon and registered sex offender in California who misrepresented his felony status and improperly accessed TRUE's database. The lawsuit resulted in an agreement in September 2006 that prevented the convicted felon from signing up, using or communicating through any online dating or relationship service, among other terms. The company also filed a civil lawsuit in March 2007 against a convicted felon and registered sex offender in Florida, charging that he misrepresented his felony status when attempting to access TRUE's members. The judge in that case also permanently banned the felon from accessing TRUE's Web site.”

But what about misrepresentations that are not as serious as a misrepresentation defrauding your online pen pals about your criminal convictions? First, if you really want to be a pain in the neck, you can try to recover your actual monetary damages incurred in conjunction with meeting in person someone you have met online. Say, for instance, you meet a woman who lives miles away. She has nice photos, and looks in decent physical shape. You don’t live in the same state, so you correspond online and on the telephone for a while before you actually take the plunge and buy her a first class airline ticket and book her in a fancy hotel in your city which is going to cost you an arm and a leg. But you want to impress her, so you survive on chicken ramen for a couple of weeks and pay the top dollar for her travel expenses.

When she shows up, she doesn’t look anything like her pictures, or looks at least ten years older, 30 lbs. heavier, and you have no attraction as a result of the gross misrepresentation she has published online. Are your damages recoverable? Consult an attorney to find out if you have a cause of action.

What about a woman who advertises herself as single, while being married? You take her out on multiple dates, pay for expensive dinners and buy her gifts in the hopes to have a relationship possible leading to marriage. If your intention is exactly that, while she has absolutely no interest in getting divorced and re-marrying, you may be able to sue her in small claims court for the cost that you have incurred as a result of her misrepresentation.

To summarize this article, whenever you are tempted to embellish the truth as easy as it may seem to be in an online dating profile, remember that the consequences may be more serious then you think. If nothing else, if you always tell the truth, you have less to remember.

Footnotes:
[1] California Codes, Civil Code Section 1710
[2] “Internet Dating Safety Act”

Best Dating Sites

Online dating and online personals services have grown from an insignificant part of our society to a conventional method of meeting singles. It is commonly accepted that online dating is feasible. Online dating is an effective way to meet dating and relationship partners.

Online dating is a growing industry trend, projected to continue its growth going forward. Contributing factors of the growth in online dating are easy access to the Internet, the weakened social stigma associated with online dating and affordability of online dating services.

Photo by Jake Jacobs, Sunset Photography
Additionally, online dating is becoming more and more popular because of the success stories in finding a perfect mate.
With a multiplying number of online dating sites, and rapidly increasing popularity of online dating, it has become difficult to cut through readily available online dating sites and to choose one or even several dating sites that can offer best dating experiences to each single individual looking for a relationship partner or even a short-term fling.

Dating sites have been adding more services to their members, including instant messaging capabilities, video dating, forums, and many more. With such a variety of additional services, online dating could become a full time job for some. Below are some dating sites that I personally choose for myself and here is why.

1. Singlesnet.com – Is a very popular dating site that has millions of registered members. Chances are, you will find someone special if you sign up for a free membership, and here is why.
Singlesnet.com is free to register. The registration process is fast. It only takes a minute to complete the registration process and you are on your way to gazillions of available singles right in your own backyard. Ok, perhaps you don’t want gazillions of singles in your backyard. But your immediate exposure to hundreds of available singles in your town and your immediate geographic location is guaranteed.

The best thing about Singlesnet.com is that you do not have to write an essay and answer never-ending questions about yourself and what you are looking for. You can skip those steps and proceed to search immediately upon registration. Just try it. If someone catches your interest, you can complete your online dating profile at a later time. If not, you’ve got nothing to lose. Like I said, registration, search and responding to e-mail is free. Personally, I have used Singlesnet.com to meet singles and I have never had to give my credit card number.

2. Singleparentlovelife.com - this site is a great avenue for single parents to meet and date. This is the only dating site that I know that connects and is dedicated for single parents. Registration is free and easy. Premium membership are at a fraction of cost of other membership-based dating sites.

3. Paltalk.com - cool video chat dating site. The latest and greatest in online dating. No webcam needed to get started.

Photography by Jake Jacobs, Sunset Photography, e-mail