Men Stop Calling after a Second or Third Date

Since I recently posted my long article What to do if the man you are dating does not call you, I have received an overwhelming number of responses from women all over the world asking me all kinds of questions pertaining their situations with men they are dating, seeing casually, or have just met on a dating site. Amongst others there were questions pertaining calling their boyfriends and guys whom the women have been seeing for some time, including situations where a boyfriend would suddenly just stop calling. Women ask, does it mean he is done with me if he doesn’t call? Does it mean he doesn’t like me anymore if he does not call? And most of all, they ask, what should I do when my boyfriend stops calling?

Some questions I can easily answer by my previous posts, and a lot of information has been covered in my post about reasons men don’t call women. I also decided to ask a man why men don’t call after a first date and even shot a video where he answers my questions about men who don’t call and don’t follow up with a woman after the first date, which you can watch in my post Men don’t call after the first date. It never ceases to amaze me how many ladies wonder whether he is going to call after a first date. I always say, the easiest and fastest way to find out whether he is going to call and if he is going to call, as well as when he will call is to not call him. Don’t call him and you’ll find out.

But what if a guy you are dating stops calling you? This page explains all possible reasons men stop calling as well as solutions that you should implement in each situaion.

Why Doesn't He Call After a First Date

My recent article on why men don’t call women when it comes to dating received a huge wave of responses from women who thanked me for clearing up the air and for answering most questions women have about calling men in dating and questions about the men who stop calling at a certain point in a dating relationship whether it would be fist date, second date, dating casually or a more serious dating relationship. Naturally I decided to ask a man, who is single and dating some of the questions concerning calling men, calling women, and mainly the question whether a woman should call a man after the first date as well as the reasons men don't call

women after a first date. Say you meet a man online and you go out on a first date. You think the date went great but you are not sure whether he will call you and ask you out again. Or for instance, you went on a date with a man, and after a great date he doesn't call. Will he call after a date? How long to wait for a man to call after a date? If he doesn't call, does it mean he is playing games or does it mean he is not interested? You can see my brief interview in this video. If you want to read the previous post What to do if the man you are dating doesn’t call you you may do so by following the link. Make sure to sign up for my periodic dating advice newsletter. If you want to know everything you need to know about calling men, you may find this link interesting

Men who play games, but not really “players”

Granted, most men do not play games. If they like you, they’ll tell you they like you. If they don’t like you, you’ll know sooner rather than later. Most men are pretty straight forward about women they like. And if a man does not like you, he won’t call you.

There are very few men who are, while not exactly what we call “players”, but are guys who are genuinely interested in a girl but want to “play it cool”. Those are men who wait for three days to call a girl after the first date. They don’t really chase her, and make her chase them instead if they can. And if the girl does not chase them, they become disinterested and move on to the next girl.

So, how do you know if a guy you are seeing is a player or is just playing games?

Well, players don’t really play mind games. They do in a way, but they do it differently. Players usually tell a woman she is everything he’s ever wanted; making her feel great about herself so that after a while she becomes dependent on the player she is dating for attention and affection.
Guys who play games, on the other hand, downplay their interest. They do not call often because they are conscious about how the women perceive them. They do not want to seem too interested, too desperate, etc. They do what Double Your Dating teaches them to do. To summarize, they never compliment a woman they’ve just met, they don’t shower her with attention, affection and gifts etc. There is one use for this book from where I am standing; if a girl does not like you, by acting like that in the book, you are going to lose her quickly, and that is ultimately what you want to achieve because you don’t want a girl who is dating you for your money and the nice things that she gets from you. But once you have determined that the girl you are seeing is interested in you, and not the perks she is getting from you, you need to quickly depart from that type of behavior, because if you keep acting like that, she will feel unappreciated and slowly drift away.

Enough said, the players, on the other hand, unlike genuine guys who play games to avoid getting hurt, will make you feel like you are the best thing that’s ever happened to you, like they worship the ground you are walking on.

So, with that said, if you really don’t know how to determine if you are dating a player, or just a guy who plays mind games, read on.

Guys who play games are calculated. You will quickly notice that a guy you are seeing is calculated. He will call you exactly three days after the first date, no sooner, no later. That’s just a rule some men have. They he will try to play it cool. For instance, guys like that usually know what other guys do when they really like a girl. They’ve been burned before and they don’t want to repeat the same mistakes, so they approach dating and courtship with caution.

They don’t want to be dependent on the girl. They generally hate being vulnerable and weak.

Here are some milestones that will help you determine if the guy you are seeing is playing games with you.

Ask yourself the following questions:

- When you call him, does he answer the phone right away or lets the call go to the voice mail?
- Does he initiate a phone call every time or waits for you to call him every other time?
- Does he tell you he wants to see you every single time you talk on the phone (or e-mail) or does he wait for you to tell him you want to see him every other time?

You get the idea. I am sure you can make up the rest of the questions along the same lines.

Generally, men who play games are insecure. They will ignore you some of the time because they need constant reassurance that they are important to you.

Here is how you can quickly determine whether a man really likes you and is just playing games, or just doesn’t care:

Ask yourself:

- Does he ever initiate phone calls?
- Does he ever want you to take the initiative in the relationship?
- Does he date other women? (if the answer is YES, then he has not decided that you are the one for him)
- Does he generally tell you about his whereabouts at all times?
- Does he send you mixed signals?

Here I want to quickly elaborate what I mean by mixed signals:

He acts indifferent one time, then when you least expect it, he calls you and acts all lovey-dovey that makes your heart melt. Then he disappears again.

He keeps you at an arms’ length, keeping his own life habits and wanting you to have “your own life”.

You never know where your relationship stands or where it’s going. Then again, when you say you are seeing other men (not sleeping with them but just dating AKA going out) he blows up.
Some days (especially when he feels he has lost a hold of you), he will allude that your relationship is pretty damn serious to the point that he wants to spend the rest of your life with you. Then when you naturally call him on that, he says he never said what he had alluded to or made you assume what he implied. Here are some real life examples from women who wrote to me about their dating relationships with men:

- He says you are the one for him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Next thing you start literally packing your stuff and he is damn surprised when you ask if he is going to bring the truck over to move your stuff over to his house
- He says in a joke mode he wants to have children with you. Then when you say you want to be married by a certain age, he makes excuses such as “we don’t know each other well enough”, “I am not in the position to make commitment right now” and other stuff like that.
Sounds familiar? Sign up for my newsletters (there is a sign up box on the left of this page) to receive periodic newsletters and to be notified when my book dedicated to making a man commit to you becomes available to public. I hope to talk to you soon!

When and how to call the guy you are dating

I receive e-mails from women who ask me when, how often, and under which circumstances should they call guys they date. To summarize my answer is, it depends of how long you have been in a relationship, how close your relationship is and many other factors, but general advice is Do Not Call The Guy You Date. Period. Well, of course, there are exceptions to this rule, and I want to give you some examples from my personal experience.

For instance, one of the guys I am dating is on his way to my house to pick me up. I suddenly realize that I don’t have any garbage bags left in the house, so I call him, knowing that he is already driving to my place, and ask him to go to seven-eleven on the way to get me some garbage bags. Yeah, I know, not everyone is as bold as I am to ask your date to pick up household items for her use LOL

Here is another example. You are supposed to go out with someone you date. Your date is already set up. Suddenly something comes up and you can’t make it. If this is the case, make sure you call him and let him know that you can’t make it.

He calls you first and leaves a message asking you to call him. Do call him back. There are rules that apply to returning men’s calls. Generally, the whole purpose of calling back is to find out why he called. When you return his call, and depending on how long it takes you to call him back, he may not even remember that he left you a message, or he may want to put you in the position to initiate a conversation. If you mistakenly take the lead, he will end up in the driver seat and you will immediately discount yourself, as if you were pursuing him instead of him pursuing you. To make sure that does not happen, when he answers your call, say “I am returning your call”, “You called?” “I got your message”, etc. and let him respond. That shows that you are simply being polite by returning his call but anticipate to hear what HE has to say and why HE called.

If he is not available when you call, leave a message saying you are returning his call. Nothing else needed to be said. Do not tell him what your entire schedule looks like and what your availability to answer the phone is going to be unless you know for sure there will be a time when you will not be available. In that case, simply say something like this “You can reach me before 3 PM or after 7 PM”. No need to specify that if he is not able to call at those times, he may feel free to leave a message. That goes without saying.

Here is another example of when it is appropriate to call someone you are dating. If the man you are dating allows you to use something of value that belongs to him, it is appropriate to call him if the purpose of the intended conversation is to discuss something concerning that item. I once dated a man who let me borrow one of his cars for my personal use on a daily basis. I felt that it was my responsibility to call from time to time just to ask if he would need his car that day. He had another car, so it wasn’t a big deal, but I felt that I should not treat his car as my own, so I always gave him the courtesy of letting him know that I was ready to return the car as needed.

But what if the man you are dating does not call you? The answer is simple. Do Not Call Him. If he doesn’t call you, he has his reasons, whatever they may be. He might just be too busy. After all, you don’t want a man who hangs around the house all day doing nothing. Do not be upset if he doesn’t call you “just to chat”. He is not your girlfriend. Men do not “just chat”. Do not call him to let him know about the things that happen to you as you go along with your date. Do not call him because your boss has made you upset. Do not call him if you hear the good news that you have been accepted at the university you have applied for. Save those things for when you see him. Even more so, if he is not all that into you, and sees your relationship as “just dating” for now. If you call him to share your emotions, he will perceive you as needy and may not want to see you in person after all.

Can you remember the last time he called you to tell you something exciting that happen to him? Not likely. But can you remember the last time he called you because he wanted to see you, ask you out, make arrangements for a Friday night, or ask if you wanted to go see a movie with him? More then likely it happened every single time he called. That is because men speak with actions, not words. He calls you because he wants to make arrangements to go out with you and he has cleared off his schedule for you, or he wants to find out if you are available to go out with him on a certain day, so that he can make appropriate arrangements. He doesn’t call you “just to chat”, right?

To summarize, when a man you date doesn’t call you, go on with your life. If and when he calls you, you will be in the driver seat. He may call you because he really wants to see YOU, or because he wants to go out and needs some company, or because the girl he is more interested in than in you is not available. Whatever the reason might be, you will always win if you Do Not Call Him First.

If you are so inclined, and really, really want to know and understand what men think about calling women, and about women calling them, when, how and why, check out this fantastic book called Calling Men that you can download here. I guarantee that after reading it you will feel incredible enlightened, relieved, empowered, and content with the way things are going in the dating aspect of your life. If you want to date and build a relationship with the man you’ve met effectively, this book explains everything about calling, e-mailing, text messaging, instant messaging, and more. It gives you great relationship advice in general and insight on how men think. Not only that, it is very well written from the literary standpoint, with a flare of great humor and is an enjoyable read on its own. This book is a page-turner and is guaranteed to provide you with some great enjoyable material, unless, of course, you just don’t like books and reading in general.