Funny Online Dating Searches

Although my blog is about dating advice, it never ceases to amaze me what kind of keywords people put in the search engine to find my blog. “Mail Order Bride Athlete”. Sounds like a sugar mommy looking for a gigolo. Perhaps it’s merely a tribute to the Olympics, or an inspired Olympics fan who recently spotted some Russian Olympics champion and decided to find out if one of those could be ordered by mail. That I haven’t heard, but what I’ve heard is that they are pretty savvy when it comes to Western Union, those Russian Brides. I am not sure about FedEx and UPS though. By the way, I’ve also heard that Russian bridal scams originate from Nigeria.

Speaking of which, somebody recently came from Nigeria on “Dating Site Of Making Love With A Man Without Credit Card”. Nigerian visitors always make me a bit nervous. I’ve noticed that they seem to stay on my blog for too long hopping from post to post and clicking on every link to a dating site. Living in America, I’ve always thought that it is rather easy to find a man to make love with even if you don’t have a credit card. I thought it was free actually. Just go to a bar and you can have all kinds of men lining up for free lovemaking. But maybe they have shortage of those goodies in Nigeria.

Then again, my recent blog post about dating site pictures was recently visited by an online pervert looking for "sexy poses by an executive looking women". Seriously. It’s a brand new blog where I write everything you will ever need to know about dating site pictures. It’s only been on line for two weeks and so far it’s been visited by a bunch of automated software – AKA bots and one pervert. Where do these people come from and how do they find my blog? Ok, I better stop inventorying X-Rated material before it becomes inappropriate for people under eighteen.

Now what about “what kind of man does a voluptuous woman like”? What kind of question is that? I better go and ask voluptuous women what kind of men they like. Then again the search engine brings me lots of searches for singlesnet.com models, or how to meet singlesnet models? I have news for you. Singlesnet models are not necessarily single, and are not necessarily looking to meet you, loser, so get over it. If you are looking to meet models, you might have better odds at millionairematch then on singlesnet. I am sure if those models are single, they’d be looking for a date on a higher caliber site then singlesnet. Most people on singlesnet resemble convicted felons who just got out of custody. So much for a free dating site.

Speaking of free dating sites, free dating tips, free dating advice and such. A lot of people come here looking for freebies, for instance Catch Him and Keep Him book download for free, or where to download Catch Him and Keep Him free. How can I contact members on Match.com for free? is another frequently asked question. Well, there are no freebies, and you have to pay because someone has to work. I personally think that if you can’t afford to pay for a dating site membership, you shouldn’t be dating at all. Although there are free dating sites such as singlesnet.com like I said before where you can write to the members of the opposite gender for free for some time. But you probably won’t find models on that one.

Another interesting search result was “how many rings till the guy sends to voicemail?” This is not even worded correctly, but who cares, as long as all we care about is the number of rings for him to go to the voice mail. And as long as you can count the number of rings you don’t need to be literate. It is actually strange since it is usually the woman who will be searching for answers “why doesn’t he call after the first date?.” This is kind of obvious, isn’t it? Are these women in denial? In fact, some girls come searching “he doesn’t call for three weeks after a first date”. And just today one came on a search for “he doesn’t call, twelve months. What does it mean?” I personally think if a guy hasn’t called you for twelve months, you should probably move on. But what do I know?

One guy came searching for “she wants fine dining on a first date. What does she mean by that?” I would say if a woman tells you she wants to meet you for a fine dining experience on the first date, you should probably pass. Nothing is wrong with buying food for your date, but if she is specifically looking for a fine dining experience, she sounds like a “match muncher” to me. Translation – a woman joining a dating site for free food. Granted, lots of pretty girls are out there just looking for sugar daddies to take them out to eat, and boy do they love all those free Match.com dinners! I’d put on twenty pounds during the course of a three-months dating site membership on Match.com. That’s why I stopped dating online. It’s hard to keep those pounds off especially when you have a breakfast date, a lunch date and a dinner date all on the same day. Before then I used to do Starbucks dates. I scheduled them back to back, half hour per interview, per person, all at the same Starbucks around the corner from my apartment complex. But after six consecutive dates in three consecutive hours with six cups of coffee I decided to pace out a bit and only meet three new dates a day. Then of course, I had a back log of second dates, third dates, etc.

Lots of women search for answers on what to wear on a first date, which is what I like to write about a lot. That’s ok. They should ask if they don’t know. But some searches are just funny. This one person came in looking for answers to “what to wear on a first date with a lawyer?” I shall ask, as about eighty percent of men I date are lawyers. Next time I go out on a date with one I will definitely ask him what he would like to see his date wear when they go out on a first date if anything. In fact, I asked. Once. You know what he said? A fur coat and high heels. Go figure!

I wonder if people who come here ever really watch my dating advice videos. I had one funny video on this blog that talks exactly on what to do and what not to do on a first date, what to wear on a first date, what to talk about on a first date and first date etiquette. I had to take it off the site because it was making it load too slow and I really never received any feedback from my readers.

Lots of people look for “creative dating headlines” or just plain “match.com headline” or “dating headline”. If people put so much thought and research into their dating headlines, I wonder why there are still thousands of bad and downright ugly dating headlines. I think a good dating profile headline is important, and that is why I talk so much about it on my dating advice blog. I personally think an attention grabbing dating headline is one percent of your success on a dating site, while your dating profile pictures are ninety nine percent of your success in online dating.

Basically what it comes down to, if your pictures are mediocre, you need to come up with a creative, absolutely the best dating headline, cause the person looking at your pictures is now on the fence. She or he does not know yet if she is interested. You grab her attention with a witty creative headline and she’ll fall right in your arms. On the other hand, as long as you have good pictures on your dating profile, your headline can be as dumb as “hello”.

Lots of guys search for “how to meet hot girls on a dating site”, and women come looking for “meet successful attractive men dating”. If men want to meet hot women, and women want to meet good looking rich men, than what should the rest of us do, like someone who has a face for the radio and a wallet for K-Mart? But it turns out that not all of us online daters know what a good looking man looks like. Last night someone came from the UK on “what does a good looking man look like?” I would guess a good looking man looks good, dontcha think?

Then just today I had a visitor looking for how to force a woman to commit? I personally can understand women who come searching on how to make a man commit, but a man……. This is probably the kind of man whose woman came to my dating advice blog earlier this morning asking what to do if your boyfriend starts hitting you? I personally think that if your boyfriend starts hitting you, there is more to come in this relationship. Call the national domestic violence hotline and they’ll tell you exactly what to do. First thing would probably be to go to a domestic violence shelter. And the second thing would be to file for a restraining order. Somehow she landed on my post What to do if your boyfriend dumps you. It doesn’t sound to me like she’s been dumped, unless she was physically dumped some place by her abusive boyfriend. It really is actually sad and I shouldn’t be making fun of it.

Once in a while I get people land here via google images. Apparently they are searching sexy pictures on a dating site, or pictures of sexy women on a dating site, or Browse Photos of Women at Match.com.

Since my blog is about dating, dating advice and relationship tips most of my traffic comes at odd hours. No one really comes during the day on a work day. Sometimes I have a loner stride by once in an hour. But after people come home from work, my blog gets packed like tuna fish in a barrel. It’s funny though because when you are getting high volume of traffic on a Friday night or a Saturday night, you know those are lonely online daters who have not succeeded in catching a big fish to go out on a date with. Then again, I am sitting here and blubber instead of going out on a date on a Friday or Saturday. But I personally am tired of dating. I’d rather sit here is chat with my visitors and readers. Dating gets old after a while especially if you become proficient at it. It really takes away all the excitement.