Looking at players and the player’s behavior for many years, as well as years spent in research and analysis of a player behavior I can say with all confidence that the most important key to success with women is by making her feel special. Sounds trivial, doesn’t it? But do you, guy really know what it is that makes a woman feel special and how to make a woman feel special? And do you know what ruins a relationship and makes a woman leave a man in the first place? And do you know what are some things that are the polar opposite of making a woman feel special?
If you are like most normal men, you are probably making the same mistakes with women that ultimately make the women leave you. And if you are a guy whose girlfriend is like most women, she will never tell you what it is that makes you feel the worst and makes her want to leave the relationship. See, some of the things that men do traditionally that they think will make women more attracted to them and to give women incentives to invest more in a relationship is to embellish their (men’s) contribution in the previous relationship or relationships. Granted, it works in the beginning of a new relationship when you just start dating, but once your relationship has taken a turn to move toward more serious commitment, those same things that intrigued your girlfriend in the beginning become mundane and ultimately hurtful.
See, what most guys don’t realize is that it’s not so much about being chivalrous that makes a woman feel special. It’s about how chivalrous you are to her compare to other people. I was once on a date with someone who literally jumped in front of a couple with a baby in a car seat to get the door to a restaurant for THEM, and once they passed, he barged in leaving me behind and did not even hold the door for me. If you want your woman feel special, then you have to treat her better than anyone else. Doesn’t mean you can be a jerk to everyone else, but the only thing that will make your girlfriend feel special is to put her higher than everyone else.
Another things that guys do all the time is discounting the value of their gifts. Let me explain this. I am not talking about lowering the price of a piece of jewelry you bought for Valentine’s Day. I am talking about doing something for your girlfriend that supposedly makes her feel special and then take it back by saying something that completely diminishes the value of your gift, and I am not just talking about an actual gift that you can buy at a store. It could be anything starting from what we call “little things”. Let me give you a few examples so that you better understand what I am talking about and hopefully watch out for those things in the future.
I had a girlfriend who started dating a guy and shortly after they became physically intimate. She liked when he went down on her. So, one night they are making love at his place and when she asks him to go down on her he does that and says, “yeah, my ex-girlfriend made he do that all the time. I literally spent hours every day going down on her.” Excuse me? Are you out of your mind? I was speechless when she told me this story. How do you think that made her feel? Here is another example. My girlfriend met this great guy. He took her out to fancy places, spent money on her and generally did many things that made her feel damn special. When they became more involved he changed. He still took her to nice places and bought her gifts, but every time they went out he never failed to mention some other girl he’d dated before whom he took to the same |
place, while spending more money then he spent on her. For instance, they go to a nice restaurant and he says “I took Christy here when we were dating. She’d never been here before. Oh, yeah I bought her $2,000 pearl necklace that day.” A typical thought to ponder that comes to mind is, ok you did that for her only after two weeks of dating her, while we’ve been dating for three months and you’ve never spent that much money on me. Ok, this is really not about how much money you spend on whom, I want to reiterate. This is about discounting what you have done for your current girlfriend and rubbing in her face that she is “second best”. Sure, you may have spent lots of money on gifts, bought her a three hundred dollar dress for Valentine’s Day, and you have generally made her feel like she is someone special, at least to you. Then you just take it back by mentioning something you did for someone else that was more significant. What that makes her feel is that she immediately feels small. You know how we say one’s heart grows when they are in love? Well, you get the opposite effect when you take your generosity back by saying you’ve done so much more for somebody else.
And this is not about the monetary value of your gifts. Trust me, I would rather be with a minimum-wage worker who saves up for a long time to take me to a fancy restaurant once in three months, then date a millionaire who buys me an expensive gift that cost him a drop in the sea. It is not all about the money and expensive gifts. If a person who has limited funds goes and spends his life savings worth of two hundred dollars on a gift for me, this is the most precious gift I could ask for ever though a wealthy man takes me to the Caribbean for three weeks, buys me a Mercedes and a diamond ring. Same goes for the guy’s looks; I would rather date a homely guy who thinks I am the best thing that’s ever happen to him, then the most handsome man who tells me I should lose weight and comments on other girl’s hotness in my presence constantly making me feel inadequate. Seriously. One of my girlfriends told me she was dating a guy who once threw a party at his house. When the party settled and there were just a few guests left in the house her boyfriend decided to bring up the past. He got some old albums out of a drawer and showed his buddies pictures of his ex girlfriends. There was one in particular whom he praised as “the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated” in front of his current girlfriend.
That has really nothing to do with insecurity and lack of confidence. Someone can be the most confident person there is but when your significant other puts you down, it really makes a significant impact on you. For instance, if someone whose opinion you don’t value (such as a jealous co-worker) says you need to lose weight, you ignore them. But when your significant other makes the same comment, you take it to heart. If you guys don’t believe me, think about how it would make you feel if your girlfriend said, “my boyfriend’s penis was twice as big as yours.”
Negative comments received from your significant other may seriously impact your self-esteem. Lowered self-esteem, increased self-awareness can make a person very unhappy. We don’t stay with people who make us unhappy, no matter how much we love them. We don’t want to love while losing ourselves.
On the contrary, I once knew a guy who made every woman feel special. He was absolutely mind blowing boyfriend. Wherever he went with his girlfriends, he always showered them with compliments, told each of them, “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve even seen”, he never mentioned another women in terms of “gorgeous”, “good looking”, “hot”, etc. in the presence of his date. If he did refer to someone as attractive, he always used words such as “attractive”, “cute”, but never “stunning”, “super hot”, etc. He generally made sure that whatever descriptions he used for his date were at least a notch higher than what he used for other women. If he told his date “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated”, than he felt safe to say to someone about some other woman, “she is cute,” “she’s not too bad”. He would never discount his girlfriend or date by admitting that she is pretty and then go on and on about some hottie he dated a few years back. He was dating online and every woman that he wrote to felt special and thought she was special. Perhaps it is deceptive, but even though he did give each one of them a priceless gift of knowing they were special. An old Russian movie comes to mind where a young woman says to her new boyfriend who chased her for a long time, referring to her ex she had just dumped, “He gave me himself; you gave me myself.”
Ok, we don’t need to be Miss Universe. We just need to be it in your eyes. Read More
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