Red Flags Before the First Date

Ever wonder why some men just have the nerve to contact a woman on a dating site and soon after the initial connection has been established ask her whether she ever visits his town? Those are the men I refer to as lazy. And there are some lazy online daters who just don’t want to put any effort into finding the right gal to date. Men who don’t want to put time and effort into dating are not strongly motivated.

They are on a dating site with the sole purpose to find someone to hang out with at the nearest bar or a restaurant. I was staying in Florida with a male friend of mine and was absolutely blown away at all the women he was meeting online. His downtown building had a bar downstairs. My friend had a date at the same bar on the first floor of his building every single night. Granted, once the women made their way to his neck of the woods, he bought his dates drinks and occasionally took them upstairs to his apartment. In fact, it wasn’t even a rare event that a woman came up to his apartment after a few drinks. Just makes me wonder, what a piece of meat with a house delivery. And where is chivalry? Where are the men who are supposed to court a woman? To make her feel like she is a woman and not a piece of meat?

Perhaps it’s the woman herself that makes a man lose respect for her before the relationship even has a chance to develop. I would personally feel disrespected if a man contacted me via a dating site and asked me if I am ever in his town. What am I a call girl?

Guy’s First Date Tips

Since I published "How to get a second date - advice for women", I have been receiving numerous e-mails from guys asking me for guy's first date advice, so here it comes.

Although we all try to put our best foot forward on a first date, there are unexpected things that can arise that definitely make you flop face down on a first date. Here are some of the surefire ways to create a lasting bad impression, so read carefully and avoid those pitfalls by all means.

1. Being late. A first date is like your first job interview. Give respect to the person by showing up on time, or better yet, a little early. While it is generally expected from a woman to be fashionably late, you, as a man, want to make sure you give yourself enough lead time to be at the venue on time.

Helpful tips:

- Being unemployed helps tremendously in planning a date. Not to mention you have flexibility as far as timelines, it also gives you plenty of time to leave home early.

- Meeting at your own house is a nice alternative to meetin at a public place. It means you don’t have to worry about commuter traffic or drinking and driving. However, this approach is not recommended if you live with your parents, your ex, seven roommates, or have cockroaches in your apartment.

2. Being greedy. That's awfully unattractive of you to recoil for that first round of drinks. I'm sure you'll impress her with that whole ten dollars you're willing to shell out. And if you can't afford to buy dinner if that comes to that point, you simply shouldn't be dating at all. Forget all that 'gender equality - we go Dutch stuff'......bone up....be a man... and buy somebody dinner for once....

3. Trying to kiss her as soon as you see her. First observe how she is on first initial contact. She might not even let you get close enough for that peck on the cheek thing. If you've had decent phone conversations before you got to the actual meeting, you should be able to gauge what she will welcome upon the first physical meeting.

And here are some additional tips on what to do and what not to do on a first date with a woman:

- You shouldn't even worry if you are going to laugh at her jokes. You need to worry more if she's going to laugh at yours. You better bone up on some material, and right fast.

- When the date comes to a close, give her a hug and nothing more. Do it only if you don’t have a boner by that time. When you hug her, be sure to pat her on the back three times really quick making sure to add one syllable per pat that spells out "I'm not gay" and be sure to say it as you pat it.

- After the date be sure to send a quick note that says what a great time you had. You may be tempted to send a text message. Don’t do it. Girls hate it. They think it is impersonal.

- Be sure to never hear from her again afterward because that's probably what's going to happen for most of your dates anyway, so just swallow your two-hundred dollar dinner expenditure. After all, you ate it too. Always be sure to adopt the philosophy that if you're going to bomb...you might as well do it on a full stomach. And always remember......'a girls' gotta eat'.......

Now go get’em!

First Date Attraction

Once upon a time I was having dinner at a restaurant in the city. A couple sitting at a table next to mine attracted my attention. It seemed as though the man and the woman had just met. In fact it looked as if it was a blind date. Perhaps they were set up by a mutual friend, or met online. I was trying to figure out how they met. Even though I could not hear the conversation, I could tell by their body language that they had little to no connection.

They were sitting across the table from one another. They looked like they were both in their early thirties. The woman’s glass was half-empty. The man’s glass was, in fact, empty. A plate of appetizers was in the middle of the table.

I could see that the woman was talking, while the man was listening inattentively and barely participating in the exchange. She was sitting straight up and it looked as if she was looking down at her date while she was talking. At the same time, the man’s slouched shoulders and his entire posture suggested that he was the least comfortable.

Both people were attractive, however, it looked to me that the man was in fact a nice, perhaps a bit shy person, while the woman was clearly domineering, and what I refer to as a stuck-up bitch.

The fact that the man did not order another drink when the waiter arrived suggested that he was not interested in staying around much longer. Needless to say, when the food on the appetizer plate was consumed, mainly by the woman, while the man only had a chance to steal one piece, he asked for a check and the couple left.

Interestingly enough, when we meet someone we are attracted to, a different dynamics evolve almost instantaneously. It is easy to tell whether a couple is enjoying their time together or not. Recently I was directing a photo shoot for a print ad campaign for a catering company. We had invited a young couple to participate in the photo shoot. The young people did not know one another, as they had just met at the time of the shoot. The purpose of the shoot was to capture them at a bar while talking and enjoying their drinks. I asked my models to act as if they were having a good time on a date. However, the uneasiness of the situation had made them both stiff and uncomfortable. They looked as if they did not know what they were doing until I started making jokes.

“You have to act as if you really, really like each other,” I said.

They looked at each other, but I could not see the spark of chemistry between them.

“Act like you are on a date,” I said to the guy. “Do you date?”

“Not really,” he said.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

“A boyfriend?”
Making a joke worked as a magic wand. My models, the caterers and everyone else present at the photo shoot started laughing. I could tell that humor was what would help me get my models to relax. As I continued making jokes, my models felt more at ease and I was able to take some great shots. At the end of the shoot, I asked if I could use some of the pictures for this blog.

What I discovered at the time of the shoot was that some people don’t even know how they act when in fact they are attracted to someone. Have you ever seen two people together whom you would call a “true soul mates”? Look at how they act, how they look into each other’s eyes, how they interact, laugh, and make each other feel good. This is something that could not be falsely reproduced. It’s either there or it’s not. However, I keep receiving e-mails from people who ask me, “How do I know if my date liked me?” Well, you just know. Usually, if you feel as if you have known the other person, even though you have just met, here is your answer. Look at the other person’s expression, how they look at you when they are talking, how they touch you if they do at all, and many other subtle signs that tell you whether there is attraction. Pay attention how they react to you, and to what you say.

Attraction, even the first signs of it, goes beyond simple physical attraction. So many times I hear people say, “she was attractive, however, there was no chemistry”. When I ask them to identify what it was that was missing, they mumble “I don’t know, it just wasn’t it.”

How to Tell If a Man Likes You

To learn how to be irresistable to men or men to women, click here

First Date and Beyond. Is he really interested or keeping you hanging on?

I recently received an e-mail from a young woman who is meeting men on a dating site and with her permission I am publishing it in this post.

"I met a guy on a dating site a while ago. We had dinner. He seemed interested. We had a good exchange and some good laughs. When he walked me to my car I made sure I told him I had a great time. So, he asked me if I wanted to do that again. I said yes. He said he would call.

Five days goes by. Five! He finally e-mailed. Not called, but e-mailed.

“I wanted to write to you earlier in the week but you had hidden your profile. I really enjoyed our date (though I'm still not sure if I was just the Monday menu or you are actually interested in seeing more of each other. You are very intelligent and quite charming and funny. If you would like to see each other again, just let me know.”

I write back:

“I am actually interested in seeing more of each other. I know guys have this three day calling rule, but disregarding it, please give me a call sometime.”

He writes back:

“I did think you weren't interested or I would have called earlier so I will give you a call today.”

He called back the following day. Here is the conversation:

He: “Hi, I was wondering if I could see you again.”
Me: “Sure, I would love to.”
He: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Of course!”
He: “I wasn’t sure if you were interested, or I would have called you sooner.”
Me: “Of course I am interested. I told you that.”
He: “Ok, let me figure out my schedule and I’ll give you a call tomorrow to set something up.”
Me: “Sounds good”

The following day, sure enough, he doesn’t call.
Not that I sit and wait. I figure out, this is kind of strange, but who knows what happened. Perhaps he is not all that interested or maybe he is having problems with his psycho ex-girlfriend. Again. Not my business to sit and analyze why he is not calling. Big deal! It was merely a first date.

A month goes by. He e-mails me again.
“Have you found anyone yet or are you just setting up dinner dates still? I enjoyed our date and one of these days would like to see you again but I've been really working hard.”

That starts getting annoying. Enough already! Fine, I write back:
“Considering the drive you may want to come out Saturday evening. I still have it open. Please, let me know fast, those spots fill up quickly.”

That was on Monday. He responds on Wednesday:
“Well if I do I can't drink more than one glass of anything. I was so tired last time that I was falling asleep at the wheel on the way home.”
What is that about? He approached me on a dating site, knowing that I live two hours away from where he lives. He was the one to maintain that the distance would not have been a problem. By the time he wrote to me I had already made plans, so I informed him of that.

He writes back:
“Well, if you're actually interested in seeing more of me (as in I'd hate just to be filler on the social schedule) let me know. You are a lot of fun to be around I think.”

This gets me more and more annoyed. But I don’t want to be snappy or rude. He actually seemed like a nice guy, but I just don’t understand his hesitation. He either wants to see me or he doesn’t. I respond: “I told you I wanted to see more of you, but you don't seem too motivated.” His response: “Sorry about not seeming too motivated. I do like you, but you shook my hand so formally at our date that I really didn't think you were interested at all. When you said you were interested in seeing me more I didn't really think you were. We are too far apart for me to waste both our time unless you are actually very interested in me. I rarely show how attracted I am to someone (so I'm told) though I think that it's really obvious.”

Me: “I like people with perseverance which you show lack of. Girls don't sit and wait for a dude to call. They move on. If a dude doesn't call early in the week, chances are she will get booked. I told you I was interested. What else do you want me to say? Do you anticipate love confession on the first date?”

Then she e-mailed me. Here is my response below.

“This sounds to me like he wants to keep you hanging just in case. Don’t you sometimes do it when you don’t really have strong chemistry with a man, but want to keep him around just in case nothing better comes up and you don’t want to end up without a date on a Friday night? Sounds to me like while he is dating other girls, he may be unsure if there is anyone he may be interested in and while it doesn’t sound like he is head over heels in love with you, he is still considering you as an option No.2

I am not sure if this is the position you want to be. It’s your call. But I suggest that if he doesn’t stop dragging this out right now, cut him off and do not respond until he actually calls you or e-mails you with a firm date and time for a second date.

On the other hand, he may have self-esteem problems, emotional baggage, insecuries and such. In any case, it sounds like it has been too long and you have said numerous times that you were interested in him, so he should not feel intimidated.”

Chemistry or Relationship Potential?

Many single men expect to have nothing less then instant chemistry with the person they meet for a blind date. It appears that single men place importance on the woman’s looks. The thing that men evaluate immediately when they meet a woman for the first time, is whether they want to sleep with her.

With the online dating, it has become incredibly easy for a decent-looking, high-wage-earner single man to meet multiple women via multiple online dating sites. When instant chemistry doesn’t strike, a man will quickly move on and will not take the time to get to know a woman if she does not appeal to his sexual side instantly.

But if you are a single man who is looking for a potential life partnership, and who tends to reject women because of lack of sexual attraction, you need to re-evaluate your approach to dating.

Sexual chemistry does not guarantee a healthy lasting relationship. Often times, partners who are attracted to each other instantly upon the first meeting, do not last in a relationship. At the same time, many solid lasting marriages have developed from friendship, while instant chemistry was not present at the time the couples met.

With that said, if you are looking for love, evaluate a woman you are meeting for a first time from the standpoint of her interpersonal qualities, rather then sex appeal. Qualities that are found in people who have lasting relationships include kindness, honesty, sincerity, loyalty and commitment.

How To Make a Good First Impression on a Blind Date

Smile – whether you are a man or a woman smiling is essential to make a good first impression on a first date. Even if you are nervous, you still need to smile. A smile is a sign of approval. It makes a woman seem approachable and a man welcoming. A smile conveys to the other person that you are happy to see them. The only justification for not smiling is absence of front teeth.

Eye contact – When we are attracted to someone, we tend to establish eye contact. Lack of eye contact may mean the person who is avoiding it has something to hide, or is extremely shy. Eye contact is a sign of openness. Do not stare at the other person or “drill” her (or him) with your eyes. Looking the other person in the eyes and then looking away lets them know you are interested. This is also a good flirting technique for women.

Preening – We tend to preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we're attracted to someone either by smoothing down our hair or clothes, checking our lipstick in a compact, or straightening a tie. Try combining a groom gesture with a smile and a gaze. Women should also toss their hair to one side. Not only does it suggest grooming, but also exposes their neck.

Red lips – Men and women are subconsciously attracted to red, moist lips because they signal youth, sex, and fertility. The color red has been known to increase a man's heart rate. For women, wearing a red lipstick is a must. Not only it gives the lips that youthful color, but also makes the smile more visible and your teeth whiter. Adding a coat of super-shiny lip gloss makes the lips look moist and kissable. Meanwhile, men can also put on some lip gloss or try licking their lips (make it subtle as to avoid being misinterpreted) or biting the lower lip.

Women crossing their legs – Crossing and uncrossing the legs is another surefire flirting technique for women, especially if they are wearing high heels. The act of crossing the legs is quite seductive to men, as it makes them desire to see more. Another seduction trick using the legs involve s slipping a heel out of one shoe and dangling it on the toes. The arch of the foot sends a sexual message and mimics a woman's curves.

Women showing off their neck – One of the most effective flirting technique a woman can use is to expose her neck. This is done in different ways, from tilting the head to one side, flipping the hair, or glancing over the shoulder.

Men squaring their shoulders – Women are attracted to men who are more masculine, thus men should stand tall with their shoulders back, Hold the head up and make your gestures more assertive.

Men showing off their social status – Men assert themselves when they flirt with women. Not only do they correct their posture, but they also push the assertiveness a little further by showing their social status by, for instance, showing-off cash, speaking about their occupation, and displaying
their car.

Feet placement – Subtly make yourself a safe and approachable target. Women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward to make them approachable. Meanwhile, men should appear more dominant by standing with the feet 6 to 10 inches apart with toes pointed outward.

Mimicking – People mirror each other's body language when they are attracted with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. Try subtly mimicking your flirting target's behavior. For instance, if she leans forward, you lean forward as well. Mirroring someone's behavior makes your potential date feel as though the two of you are connected and in-tune.

Deepening the attraction – Continue smiling and maintaining eye contact as you communicate. Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Participate in the conversation by asking questions. As long as the two of you have a great time on a date, there is a great chance you will get a second date.

First Date Two-Minute Hair Makeover

Let’s think of the following scenario. After identifying a man on a dating site whom you are interested in and exchanging a few e-mails and perhaps a phone call or two, you have finally decided to meet in person. Perhaps it’s a Thursday night and you are supposed to meet your date who you hope will turn out to be the man of your dreams at 7 PM at a local restaurant.

You get off work at 6 PM, drive in traffic for a half hour and finally make it home. You barely have enough time to take a shower and put on your killer dress that you bought at CoutureCandy specifically for the occasion.

Now you have about five minutes to freshen up your makeup and change your hairstyle from casual to evening. What to do? You don’t have enough time to blow dry your hair or use your curling iron. But you are well aware that one of the things that men pay attention to on a date is woman’s hair.

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10 great ways to get rid of a bad date

Picture this. You meet your Internet date for the first time and you immediately see that you are not attracted to him. Of course, you can just storm out of the bar or a restaurant, but there are better ways to get rid of the guy ensuring that his feelings are not hurt.

These tips are for women that want to end the date politely and do not feel comfortable mumbling and grumbling, “hmmmm, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck to you.” If you are not one of those who can tell a guy straight up that you are not interested but want to make sure he never calls you again, read these tips. Special thanks to my friends on BlogCatalog that have participated in the discussion and shared their great ideas.

Surf over the menu until you find the most expensive dish in the house and order it regardless of what it is and how good it is as long as it’s the most expensive. Then tell your date you don’t like the dish after all and aren’t going to eat it. Better yet, if the price tag next to the dish name says “Market Price”, this is the item you want to choose.

Examples of good picks would be a cup of Kopi Luwak, which is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between $120 and $600 per pound and is brewed from coffee beans harvested from feces of the luwak, an animal that lives in the plantations of Java and Sumatra. The animal digests the coffee leaves with beans wrapped up in the leaves it eats. After the beans pass through its digestive system untouched and come out with the feces, beans are harvested and sold. A cup of this coffee is available at best restaurants in the US, for instance in Miami it costs $45 a cup. Just get it and after you take a sip, tell your date it tastes like shit.

Tell your date he is everything you’ve ever wanted in a man and ask him what is his time frame for getting married and how many children he wants to have. Make sure to ask him how much money he makes and frown hard if he tells you a number.

While on a date, keep your cell phone on, answer every call and have long phone conversations with your pals, girlfriends and other dates that happen to be calling you.

Flirt constantly with other guys at the bar or better yet, pass your business card to other men and tell them to call you in an hour.

Bring pictures of your ex, or better yet of you and your ex together and talk about your ex constantly, showing your ex’s photos to your date and ask him if he thinks your ex is the hottest guy there is. Then say that your ex broke your heart by cheating on you with his male lover, gave you an STD, which you are still recovering from and that you are currently in therapy due to the break up. To top it off, tell your date that right before the break up you got pregnant with his child and since your ex has since turned gay, you are now looking for a father for your unborn.

Stop shaving your armpits and make sure you are wearing sleeveless shirt on your date and do not use deodorant. This may be problematic, since you have to plan the escape route way in advance before you know how the date turns out.

As soon as you meet your date, say “I have to tell you something. I just decided to get back together with my ex, and he is coming here with our five children right now. But you can still have dinner just as a friend. And by the way, since we are indigent, do you mind picking up the check?”

Ask him if he can tell that you used to be a man and tell him that you are undergoing your last sex change operation and have your reassignment surgery next week, so your date has to wait until later to have sex.

Tell him you are stunned that he invited you to meet him at a restaurant, since your other dates have always met you at your apartment and brought you a bottle of wine from a local seven-eleven.

Finally, the easiest one is to tell your date that anything less then a seven inch-member is a joke and make fun of guys that are not up to par.

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First Meeting - The Importance of Communication

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