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Saturday, October 4, 2008

How To Tell If He Likes Me?

Let's deal with the big question: "Does he like me or doesn't he?" It's something that women the world over get tied up in knots about. Try this little scenario on for size and familiarity: you meet a guy. You feel that spark. You get those excited butterflies in your belly that you get when you meet a potential somebody. There's definite flirting. He winds up kissing you. Then: you don't hear from him for a week or two. What does that mean? Does it mean he needs a little nudge? Does it mean he needs some encouragement? Does it mean you should call him?

Here's my take on the situation. If you are having to wonder about why he hasn't called you - or worse, make up excuses for him (he didn't know your last name/you didn't give him your number/his life is just really busy right now/etc) - then your answer is staring you right in the face: he is not that interested. He doesn't need any nudges. If he wants you, he will try to get you. Period! So: no, you should not call him. If he really likes you, he will call you. No matter what! When men really like women, they are at least as resourceful as you are when you like a guy! Most women would conclude, should they find themselves in the situation of example woman, that he's 'just scared.' He's intimidated by her beauty. He's just coming out of a really ugly breakup. His career is sucking up all his time right now. She should just give him some space and let him know she's there when he's ready. Hey! You! Wake up and smell the reality! The actual conclusion is this: if he's not calling, then it doesn't matter how much of a spark there was. It doesn't matter how 'into you' he seemed to be at the time. It doesn't even matter if he's kissed you. If he's really into you, nothing will get in his way of tracking you down and being with you.

Here's a home truth that most women don't understand (or don't want to understand): men don't actually send mixed messages. We often think they do. We get all tied up in knots because we think they're so complex. "Why would he pull with one hand and push with the other?" we wonder. "It doesn't make any sense. Men are so complex!" It's actually very simple. Those 'mixed messages' mean that he's not that interested in you. If he was interested, believe me, you wouldn't have to be wondering whether he was or not! But we don't want to consider this fact. We want this guy to be good. We want this guy to turn out to be just as good as we hoped he would be, actually. So instead of looking at the situation dispassionately and realistically, we start to overanalyze. We create a load of excuses (sorry, 'reasons') as to why he hasn't called/ made a move/basically proved to us over and over again that he's into US and he wants to be with US.

We spend ages dissecting the 'facts' with our friends, hoping for some enlightenment ... (really, hoping for those 'mixed messages' to mean that he's really really into us) and they reassure us that we're great, he's probably just nervous, and that we just need to give him some time. Etc.

Please, ladies! Face the truth. When it comes to men, there are no mixed messages. Here's my first tip for being a first-class Man Decipherer: don't pay attention to what he's saying. Pay attention to how he's acting. It's easy enough to overanalyze words, less so actions. Here are a few examples of some of the stuff I hear women asking, over and over again: - "Does it mean he's into me if he says, 'I really like you but I just really need to focus on my career at the moment?'" - "What does it mean when he says, 'I love you but I'm not in love with you?'" - "Why did he kiss me last time we hung out but now I haven't heard from him for a couple weeks ... except I got a text message last night saying, 'What are you up to?'" All of these questions have the same answer. And (if you can't guess it already), that answer is, "I'm really not that interested in you ... but I'm too scared to be straight up about it. And maybe I don't want to burn any bridges, either. So I'll say that I'm interested, but really, if you want to know the truth, just look at how I'm acting." I say this as kindly as possible, but I say it nonetheless: if you want to know how he really feels about you, pay attention to what he's doing, not what he's saying.

And one other thing: pay attention to how he's acting right now, not how he acted 2 weeks ago. Take the "he kissed me last time he saw me, but that was 2 weeks ago and I've barely heard from him since then" scenario as an example. Who cares if he kissed you the last time he saw you, if now he's keeping his distance? How can that possibly mean, 'I'm absolutely wild about you and I want to be with you?' You know what that behavior says to me? It says he kissed you because he felt like it at the time, and now he's changed his mind, and he doesn't know how to be straight with you. So, he's saying nice things to you and keeping the bare minimum of contact with you so that you don't get upset, think he's an a**hole, cry, and 'make a scene' ... ... but all the while, he's hoping like mad that you get the hint.

What about if he says he really likes you, but he's 'too busy for a relationship', or 'not ready for a relationship'? Please. It means he's too busy for a relationship with you. He's not ready for a relationship with you. When a man meets a woman he's really into, it doesn't matter how busy he is - he makes the time to see her. And to see her as much as he possibly can. If you feel like you're getting 'mixed messages', the harsh truth is that it means that you should cut your losses, and move on to somebody who will really, truly appreciate you for the great gal you are. And of course, finding the Right Someone for you is way easier when you've got all the tools at hand to create genuine attraction with someone when you want to. It's basically a social scene ... emphasis on the scene. Yes, some people are born popular, but that doesn't change the fact that it is actually a learnable skill. (That means that, given the right information, you can actually learn how to make yourself irresistibly attractive to all men ... or, the right man!) If that's something you're interested in - and I hope it is - then you should try this course: Make a Man Want You

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