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Thursday, October 9, 2008

How To Make My Boyfriend Respect Me For Better Relationships

How to make my boyfriend respect me? My boyfriend doesn’t respect me. He doesn’t value me and our relationship. What I am doing wrong? Those questions come up from time to time and woman just don’t know how to make their relationships with their significant other better, make your boyfriend respect you more and value your contribution in the relationship.

See, it is not uncommon for women, when they find themselves a great new relationship, to roll over and 'play dead'. This is a particularly apt phrase, which basically means 'they inconvenience themselves on a regular basis for the sake of spending time with their new man.'

This inconveniencing generally comes in the form of CANCELING PLANS and giving up stuff that you like to do - often, stuff that formed the backbone of the pleasure in your life.

I'm not talking about quitting college or giving up your career or anything like that (although, and it pains me to say this, some women are, unfortunately, shortsighted enough to give up their livelihoods when they 'find somebody'.) I'm primarily talking about giving up the so-called 'little things' that, prior to meeting the new man, made up a large part of your personal routine.

For example: spending time with your pets. Seeing your friends regularly. Going out for morning coffee with your mom on Saturdays. Girls' nights out. Your weekly Pilates class. That novel you've been enjoying. etc.

Are you finding yourself building your life around your man’s schedule? Do you cancel your plans to be with your boyfriend? Does this pattern sound familiar to you? And, if so, how does it make you feel? Does it seem like your boyfriend does not appreciate your efforts?

For other women, it's not quite so obvious. They may not cancel any plans, but they may RUIN those plans by checking their voicemail every 20 minutes in case HE'S left a message. Or they may spend the whole time obsessing about HIM. Or they may even be managing to stick to their hectic schedule ... by sacrificing basic personal essentials, like sleep and rest.

Besides the obvious drawbacks of quitting this stuff, sacrificing your lifestyle - namely, that you give up doing stuff that you like! - it also says a LOT about your self-confidence when you start giving up what you enjoy, and canceling your plans, for the sake of spending time with a man.

I'd like to take this opportunity here to point out that I'm not encouraging you to be one of
those rigid women who is so set in her routine and so utterly inflexible that she can't even comprehend of making a change when she meets someone new. OBVIOUSLY when you introduce a fascinating new person into your life, things are going to change.

Instead, I'm trying to highlight the importance of KEEPING YOUR INDEPENDENCE, and the satisfaction that you feel with your life.

Men like women who are independent. An independent woman in a man’s eyes is not someone who can support herself. Rather, an independent woman is the one who does not need a man to make her life happy. She does not depend on a man to fulfill all her emotional needs. She is happy on her own. You do not need to give up your life. You do not need to start rushing through the day, wondering how you can pare down the activities you've scheduled for yourself, just so you can 'fit everything in'. You don't need to STRESS about it.

Dating somebody that you like is meant to enhance your life, not detract from its quality. If you find yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or depleted, you've gotta take a step back and start investigating WHY THAT IS.

Are you asking too much from yourself? Are you taking on the responsibility for the wellbeing of the relationship without even realizing it? This is a very real possibility. Not to generalize, but the truth is that, as women, we really are conditioned - WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT - to play the role of the 'nurturer'. Heck, we're not even necessarily CONDITIONED to it! To a very large extent, it's simply WHO WE ARE.

Granted, a woman’s role in the relationship is to be nurturing. But if you are over nurturing, you become smothering. One result of this is often that we will put pressure on ourselves, SUBCONSCIOUSLY, to make sure that everybody is getting what they need ... for example, that our friends are seeing us enough, that our pets are happy and well cared for, and that our boyfriend is spending enough time with us to be happy. These are all important things, make no

But YOU SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST. What this means is that you should not be
giving stuff up to 'make room' for your new relationship, unless it's RECIPROCAL.

Men NOTICE when you cancel other plans just to be with them. And they don’t like women who depend on a man for her happiness. They may pout and complain if they feel like you've got other priorities over and above them, but ultimately it give a man relief knowing that you can do things on your own and that you don’t need him every minute of every day. A man can relax with a woman like that. He knows that when he need to do things on his own, his woman won’t complaint. Instead, she will get herself busy doing her own thing, and when he comes back, she will be there for him.

Nothing can alter the value of the RESPECT that he will have for you, when your actions prove - over and over - that not only are you an independent woman with her own life...but that you honor your promises (both to yourself, and to others) ... and that you are ALSO content with your life, JUST THE WAY YOU'VE MADE IT.

It is very reassuring to a man to know that he is not the center of your universe. As women, we often make the mistake of acting as though HE THINKS THE SAME WAY WE DO.

As a result of this, our words and actions can convey to him the idea that he is the all-important and vital centerpiece to our lives... when in fact, not only are WE happier when we have our own life, and we FOCUS on that life, but HE is happier too.

He doesn't want to feel like you're a codependent and whiny woman who needs his attention and affection just to get by.

He wants to feel like you're one of the 'cool girls' - a woman who's got a full, happy life, who loves to spend time with him, but doesn't feel the need to compromise the OTHER enjoyable aspects of
her life to focus solely on him.

Occasionally you may come across a man who will complain or pout when your actions prove that you have priorities - and that some of them come before him. He may sulk if you don't come straight over to his house after work (neglecting the gym, dinner, and dog.) He may get upset if you want to have a girls' night out on the weekend. He might complain if your nail appointment clashes with the movie he wanted to take you to see.

DON'T GIVE IN. A woman with self-respect and self-value does not treat her plans and schedules like small, disposable things. They are important to her, because they are HER plans and schedules. And she expects her partner to respect that too.

Secondly, you've got to ask yourself, do you really want to be spending time with a man who clearly does not prioritize your happiness?

Look: let's be realistic here. If he is getting upset because you're spending EVERY WEEKEND doing other things without him, well, he may have a point.

But if your guy is sulking because you happen to have a life that happens to include priorities OTHER THAN him ... you have to think to yourself whether you are really willing to participate fully in a relationship with someone who is not overly concerned with what matters to you.

He might have been 'spoiled' by other women he's dated, women who eagerly cancelled any plans they might have had simply to hang out with him.

He might have had his expectations ruined (temporarily, that is - after all, he's seeing YOU now) by women who didn't understand that being 'too available' is the death knell to a good relationship.

I'm not telling you to be obnoxious or arrogant about your preferences. I'm telling you that if you want to enjoy your life, for your relationship to ALWAYS retain that 'spark', and for him to respect you, you've got to prioritize the things that matter to you.

Remember this: if he pouts, and you give in, you've set a precedent for the future: and he gets the upper hand over you.

Whereas, if you're NICE, but FIRM, and you hold your ground - which is what he secretly wants you to do anyway - things will remain sassy, sexy, and EQUAL.

To learn more about how to have a better relationship Read More ->>>

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