Online Dating Tips For Men

So guys, are you depressed regarding the whole online dating thing? Do you feel like you invest a ton of time and effort and get no return? Fine tuning your dating profile to be the best that you can make it, reading profile after profile in detail until you find one who is in your league and who seems like a great match, agonizing over every word in the e-mail you send out, only to be ignored time after time?

So, you are probably thinking, "Well, there can't possibly be something wrong with every woman on this dating site, so it must be something wrong with me. Maybe I am just not tall / fit / handsome / rich / smart / funny enough?" I'm here to tell you, it's not you, it is (just about) every woman on this site! "Bah! How could that be?" You say. Hear me out! This dawned on me this shopping season. Take a breath, sit back, and look around. Do you realize what a dating site is for women? It is a man store! Women here are shopping! Let that sink in for a moment. These women are shopping for men, just like they shop for clothes and shoes. The reality of the situation should now be dawning on you, and a smile should be cracking on your face.

Think about how you, as a man, use a dating site. Probably a lot like you shop, huh? You have a purpose, you know what you want.

You walk in, immediately head to the isle that has what you came in for, scan the shelves until you find what it is you wanted. Maybe compare one or two similar items to find the one that meets your needs (and budget) better. You make your choice, put it in your cart, and head for the register. Now think about how women shop, and extrapolate that to their usage of this site. You should now be feeling a lot better about why you aren't having as much luck as a great guy like yourself should. So, what to do? What should be your plan of action? Well, first and foremost, don't take any online dating site seriously. Online dating, like horoscopes and psychics, should be used for entertainment value only, and not the basis of important life decisions. Meet women in real life, you will be ignored far less often. For example, try walking up to them while they are shopping, you won't be bothering them, it wasn't like they were going to make a purchase decision anytime soon anyway.

Online Dating Guide For Women - Say or Not to Say

When writing a dating site profile many of you may be tempted to say certain things in your dating profile. Don’t. Think first. And see why you shouldn’t.

First of all. Never ever say “Don’t want to play games“. Or, “I don’t want a guy who plays games”, etc. Why? Because when you say it, men will not understand what you mean. They say “huh?” It’s not that they (men) don’t feel your pain. It’s because it looks like there is an army of chicks with a loathing to “games” that is borderline pathological. Men don’t understand what you mean by “games“. No one wants to be “played” or be told how great they are and then have your man disappear on you. Worse yet, you find out you are not the only one he is been saying all those things to. Yet, men just don’t get it. It is not like he is just saying all those things to get some sort of benefits. It is just that when he suddenly stops calling, his schedule may have changed, or he is simply not feeling it anymore. The thing is that he does not think the way you are. He does not think “aha! I am playing games now!” Let me recap this. You will continue saying “no players” and “no games” until your PC keyboard is blue but it will happen yet again. Not because all men are players.

And not because they want to play “games”. You give them too much credit. Men are not sophisticated enough to play games. Perhaps they would play “games“, if they could. But they can’t. Men are pretty straight forward creatures by definition. They don’t understand games.

If “games” are what you are referring to is dating multiple women, or trying to date multiple women, read on.

Playing games is a women’s trait. Period. And when you women play games, men do not understand you either. They just think you are not interested and move on. So much for that.

And men can and most certainly will contact multiple women on a dating site. And that is not because they are “players”. That is because men historically have been trained to receive numerous rejections from women, so they don’t put all their eggs in your basket.

And if a man cannot express his feelings as colorful as you, give him the benefit of the doubt. A man’s vocabulary is about one tenth of what yours is. He is not able to express himself verbally as much as you could. Men don’t talk. They act. And the ONLY way to get a man talk endlessly to you is to ask him about how something works. Or ask him something about sports. Or sex. Or some historical event. And if it has something to do with a war, that is even better. He’ll talk you to death. Just remember, if you ever decide to ask any of those questions, you better be laying in bed by then. Because his answer will put you right to sleep.

Women are more than happy being coy and saying “maybe“ when they really mean “yes“, YES!”
Here is what a “maybe” means to a man - “I am not interested and I don’t want to sleep with you, but if you want to pay for dinner, go ahead.” Meaning she wants a free dinner but no kissing.

Secondly, never say “I want a man who knows how to treat a lady”. This is so vague, even I don’t understand what you mean. Men will pass by this statement. If you have specific requirements, say it. But even I, being a woman, do not understand what you mean by that. The only thing that comes to mind is you want him to pay your way. Dinners, drinks, movie tickets and the like. Or perhaps you mean opening doors and sending flowers? If that is what you want, just say it. Most men will gladly do that because it does not take much effort and it pleases you.

Number three. “I want a man who is sensitive”. What the hell is that? Do you mean you want a man who cries? Then you might be looking in the wrong department. And if you say you want a man who is strong and sensitive, isn’t it the same as saying I want a man who is tall but short?

“Dancing like no one’s watching“. This is a personal thing with me, maybe I’m alone in this, and maybe I’m out in left field. But if I see one more woman assert this, in all seriousness, I’m going to gag, because, like no one’s reading.

It’s a nice sentiment. I know. But it’s also more common than farts in a bean factory and c’mon…gals, I’ve seen you in the dance bars. You aren’t dancing like no one’s watching, you’re dancing like you know all the guys are watching and you shake your moneymaker enjoying every moment, every stare and every drooling tongue. So, c’mon…stop with that one, okay?

“Friends first“. Ok, I give up. I really don’t get it. Does it mean you want to go out with a man who has no sexual connotation? Guess what? Men aren’t looking for buddies in a skirt. They don’t even like girls. Sure, they are attracted to them. Sure, they want to have sex with them. But they don’t want to “hang out” with them. Why? Because girls don’t like to drink beer, watch sports, talk politics and look at porn. So, there. Men need you for other reasons. And if you mean talking about shopping and having “stimulating conversations”, you should know that what stimulates you, puts men to sleep and visa versa.

Now, go back, re-read your dating profile and make the necessary changes. Good luck and happy hunting!

Guy’s First Date Tips

Since I published "How to get a second date - advice for women", I have been receiving numerous e-mails from guys asking me for guy's first date advice, so here it comes.

Although we all try to put our best foot forward on a first date, there are unexpected things that can arise that definitely make you flop face down on a first date. Here are some of the surefire ways to create a lasting bad impression, so read carefully and avoid those pitfalls by all means.

1. Being late. A first date is like your first job interview. Give respect to the person by showing up on time, or better yet, a little early. While it is generally expected from a woman to be fashionably late, you, as a man, want to make sure you give yourself enough lead time to be at the venue on time.

Helpful tips:

- Being unemployed helps tremendously in planning a date. Not to mention you have flexibility as far as timelines, it also gives you plenty of time to leave home early.

- Meeting at your own house is a nice alternative to meetin at a public place. It means you don’t have to worry about commuter traffic or drinking and driving. However, this approach is not recommended if you live with your parents, your ex, seven roommates, or have cockroaches in your apartment.

2. Being greedy. That's awfully unattractive of you to recoil for that first round of drinks. I'm sure you'll impress her with that whole ten dollars you're willing to shell out. And if you can't afford to buy dinner if that comes to that point, you simply shouldn't be dating at all. Forget all that 'gender equality - we go Dutch stuff'......bone up....be a man... and buy somebody dinner for once....

3. Trying to kiss her as soon as you see her. First observe how she is on first initial contact. She might not even let you get close enough for that peck on the cheek thing. If you've had decent phone conversations before you got to the actual meeting, you should be able to gauge what she will welcome upon the first physical meeting.

And here are some additional tips on what to do and what not to do on a first date with a woman:

- You shouldn't even worry if you are going to laugh at her jokes. You need to worry more if she's going to laugh at yours. You better bone up on some material, and right fast.

- When the date comes to a close, give her a hug and nothing more. Do it only if you don’t have a boner by that time. When you hug her, be sure to pat her on the back three times really quick making sure to add one syllable per pat that spells out "I'm not gay" and be sure to say it as you pat it.

- After the date be sure to send a quick note that says what a great time you had. You may be tempted to send a text message. Don’t do it. Girls hate it. They think it is impersonal.

- Be sure to never hear from her again afterward because that's probably what's going to happen for most of your dates anyway, so just swallow your two-hundred dollar dinner expenditure. After all, you ate it too. Always be sure to adopt the philosophy that if you're going to bomb...you might as well do it on a full stomach. And always remember......'a girls' gotta eat'.......

Now go get’em!

Online Dating v. Job Hunting

A relationship is just like a Job/Career. If it does not make you happy and fulfilled, it doesn't feel right. You have to work hard at both to get the best payoff. As you have to be compatible for a specific job so you must be for another person.

Dating Profile is just like a Resume Talking on the phone is like a Screening Interview First Date is like an Interview with the hiring manager The best jobs, like the best relationships, come through networking or word-of-mouth introductions. Successful daters are the ones who have polished resumes (dating profiles) and make great impression during the job interview (first date), bringing a positive, high-energy vibe to the enterprise. Just like people can get pretty skillful at job hunting and interviewing, they can hone their dating skills so that they experience far fewer rejections, make better mutual bonding decisions, and don't find that the whole business leaves them a nervous wreck.

Instead of focusing on "what's wrong with me?" we could be focusing on what works and what doesn't.

Than again, you can be impressed with someone during the screening process (interview) and then discover that the person really trumped up that damn resume and is a lousy employee or has misrepresented himself.

Sometimes there are several suitable candidates for the position and you have to go through multiple job interviews before a hiring decision is made.

The "position" may go unfilled for a while, but eventually this should yield a result. Meanwhile, take a Temp Job.

You can always outsource your dating and stay at home alone. And if you have been self-employed way too long, consider day labor. With those you get no holiday pay, no perks, and no promotion.

But once you get the job, if it doesn’t work out long term, there is a chance you may get severance pay.

Apply for a job now at Yahoo! HotJobs

12 Reasons for text messaging when dating

Text messaging has become the preferred communication method of the Blackberry owner daters. Here are some of benefits of text messaging v. calling on the phone:

1. You are in a meeting. You have a moment but can't talk. You want to let the other person know you are thinking about her or want to make date plans. 2. You know the other person is in a meeting and can't talk. 3.You don’t know if the other person is in fact in a meeting and can’t talk 4. You let the other person respond when she gets your text and when it is convenient 5. Text messaging back and forth can be done throughout the day and at the same time on your own pace when it is convenient 6. You want to tell the other person something that does not require a response from her/him

7. You can’t take rejection over the phone

8. You want to keep record in the event issues requiring law enforcement arise in the future

9. You really don’t want to talk to the other person but must deliver some information

10. You don’t want to show emotion such as anxiety, anger, fear, etc.

11. You can blast the same text message to multiple people you are dating at the same time and watch the responses kick in. Just imagine sending a message such as “Any plans for tonight?” to ten different women. The first one to respond is the one to go out with. In case the others are available also, you can tell them you were just texting to see how they are and make plans for other nights of the week.

12. A text message can be re-send multiple times on different days to the same person such as “I miss you” or “Thinking of you” and to multiple people on different days such as “I had a great time last night! We should do it again sometime soon.”

Russian Mail Order Bride Scam

Anyone who has experienced online dating probably knows about a very popular Foreign-mail-order-bride scam. It all begins like this: You (as a man) sign up for a dating site, such as Match.com or any other site for this matter. All of a sudden you receive a wink from a young attractive woman who appears to live out of state. If you wink back at her, you pretty much immediately receive an e-mail which includes her “direct” e-mail address and instructions to e-mail her directly. The e-mail address is always a “disposable” one such as free yahoo, hotmail or g-mail account.

I have recently encountered quite a few “scammers” while helping a male friend set up his account on a dating site. As soon as his dating profile was up, he received three or four winks from attractive women in their twenties. My friend is in his late forties. Of course, he was flattered and winked back at the women that sent him winks. The only question remained, why would a good-looking woman such as those who winked look for love out of her state of residence. Even though my friend is an attractive man, if you are in Texas or Florida, can’t you find someone closer to home?



All of the three women that he had winked back at immediately contacted him by e-mail. All of their e-mails sounded the same, with little variations. They all proclaimed to be single (never married), had no kids and were looking for their soul mate. All of them instructed my friend on how to contact them at their yahoo, gmail, or hotmail e-mail. Although it was pretty obvious at that point that all of them were scams, we decided to respond to one of them. Here is the original text of the e-mail my friend received on Match.com

I hope that you have sincerely written your profile and I very much would like to get acquainted with you. I hope that you will not be against our dialogue and my company. Or you against? I very much would like to find out more about you and I with pleasure will answer all your questions and I will send my photos. How is your mood today? I am in good mood and if you are not, then write me and I will make all to change it. If good that can has fun together? How you think? I do not know how soon you will answer me, maybe you have a lot of messages from girls like me? But I will wait for your letter on "yulnaumo" "gmail" "com". I hope that I will receive your answer soon. If you do not wish to communicate with me that tell it to me, but I hope that you will write to me on "yulnaumo" at "gmail" dot "com" I already miss and wait, forgive if what not so. I simply worry very much....
Dreaming Of You

What we did not realize was that by responding to the scammer’s disposable e-mail, we had triggered a chain of never ending e-mails piling up in my friend‘s personal e-mail box. Here is how they started.

The first e-mail stated:

Hello My New Friend !!!!!
I am glad to receive your letter. I thought of that you will write to me or will not write and looked forward your letter. And I am glad when have received it. I the first time get acquainted on the Internet, I looked on profile which to me a distance at a site of acquaintances both have seen you. Also has decided to write to you. I hope that you have understood my first message. I search for the man for the further attitudes. my name is Yulya. To me of 27 years, I was never married. At me normal character, I live in mum in apartment. My village is called Lum. It in the Kirov area. Except mum, the grandmother and the girlfriend I was not present close people. The father I never saw also mother speaks of nothing about it. as whom you work? I nurse in our hospital. I love the work. I do not know what to tell about myself. you can tell about yourself more? I wish to know much about you. Why you have solved gets acquainted in the Internet? What do you search in the girl? What character at you? How you like to have a rest? I with pleasure will answer your questions. Ask also I will tell about itself. I simply do not know what to tell. What it is interesting to you? I hope that you will write to me tomorrow. I send you a photo on I in this photo I walk near park which is in our city. I hope that tomorrow I will come in the Internet of cafe and I will receive your letter and your new photo. You will send them to me? I will wait you letter on my e-mail.
Your new girlfriend Yuliya.



At this point it was more than obvious it was a scam. Naturally, my friend ignored the e-mail. However, the following day he received another e-mail from the scammer:

I wait for your letter. I hope, that you will write soon, and
our acquaintance will proceed. I very much wish to learn about you
because you like me. I hope, that as soon as you will receive my
letter, you will answer me.
Yuliya.

This e-mail went without a response. But sure enough, the next day there was another one waiting:

As you? What with you? I hope, that all is good. I have come to
the Internet of cafe, but your letter is not present. Today on work
was a lot of work. I am very tired and hoped, that I shall receive
your letter, and my mood will rise. But you likely have not had time
to receive my letter still. I shall wait for your answer. I hope that
at you all well.
Yuliya.

This e-mail followed by another one the following day:

I wait your letter of half an hour. But nothing has received.
Likely you cannot write to me now. But I shall wait for your letter. I
hope, that a problem from for which you could not write to me soon, to
be solved, and you will write to me. You will write to me ???
Yuliya.

We wanted to see how much longer it will take the scammer to realize it was time he (or she) moved on. But his tenacity was unbelievable. Many e-mails went unanswered before my friend decided to respond. Here is what he said in his response:

you are quite persistent, aren't you? How's this Internet dating going for ya? Truth be told, I am looking to meet people I can date. You know what dating means? Going out to dinner, movies, doing things together, etc. You being from who knows where, what is your thought process?

At this point the e-mails stopped, but only to be followed by another one two weeks later:

Hello !!!!!!!
How your day? What did you do today? I hope, that you feel well and at
you all is normal. I waited all the day long for your letter and right
after work today have come to the cafe Internet what to receive your
letter.
I am rather constant.
I send you the photo, on which I in village at the grandmother.
It is pleasant to you washing a photo? I hope what yes. At me today it
is a lot of questions to you. I want serious relations and at once I
wish to warn you. I do not wish to play game and if you wish to play
simply with me, or communicate with me for the sake of a photo that I,
I think that to us is necessary to stop our dialogue. I wish to learn
you more and better. I too will not hide from you anything and I will
inform everything, that you ask.
, I hope, that I do not need to describe myself in detail, you
saw me on a photo. I will send them to you often, that you could learn
is better me. My growth 175 sm (5 ' 7), weight 54 kg (120lbs). A
breast, a waist and hips accordingly 89 - 64 - 92. I hope, that you
will inform me also on yourself. Because I cannot see it on a photo.
I search for the man with whom to me it will be good. Which will be
happy, if I is with it which I can make happy. I want, what we with it
would be always together and were happy, , you can be such man?
How you think? What should I do that is pleasant to you? It is very
interesting to me to learn it.
I hope, that I will receive your photo tomorrow and the new letter
with answers to my questions.
I already with impatience wait for your letter.
I wait.....
Yours faithfully and sincerely Yuliya.

No response to my friend’s original questions, no addressing his concerns.



What is surprising to me is that many men still fall prey to online dating scammers. Even when in doubt, many men will assume that it is in fact a real woman, who is writing to them from Russia. Although the intentions of the person are transparent, men still tend to think that it really is a woman who will eventually ask for Western Union money transfer.

One of men I have met on Match.com told me a story similar to this one. After being contacted at his personal e-mail address by a scammer, he tracked the scammer’s IP address from which the response was sent. The IP address was located not in Russia, but in Nigeria. So much for Russian mail order bride scam. Finally, for those who are seriously looking to meet and bring a wife from abroad, I recommend Beautiful Russian Brides
This is the leading Russian Bride dating site. It is a legitimate dating site that features thousands of REAL Russian and Ukranian ladies looking for marriage.

Twelve tips for ugly men

Let me start off by saying I believe there are no truly ugly people, those who we would call 1 on a scale from 1 to 10, just like there aren’t perfect 10’s. Most people fall somewhere in between. However, if you are a man who is about to give up on online dating because of not getting any responses from women, and you think this is because you are ugly (or at least you consider yourself ugly), allow me to hand out my suggestions to help you heal your self-esteem.

1. Alcohol is your friend.

2. Single = disposable income. Disposable income + ugly single guy = hookers.

3. When in doubt, lower your expectations. Again.

4. Date a blind girl.

5. Ask you female friends to keep talking about how looks and money aren't the only things that matter.

6. Print out photographs of gorgeous celebrities and tape them to a mop and cook dinner for them in your bachelor pad.

7. Try boxing. Some men enter the sports because they have issues with sexual frustration and lack of intimacy, which I believe is a leading cause of male violence and aggression. Many boxers are ugly, but it doesn't matter; your success is determined entirely by how hard you work, not by what you look like. The thrill and adrenaline of fighting is highly addictive. Scheduling a sparring session at the end of the week will motivate you more than sex - every minute not spent training increases your chance of getting knocked out. It will also work wonders for your confidence, and tap into a primal, dominant male energy and resolve that can be used in all facets of life.

8. Become a priest.

9. Join the military.

10. Get a trophy wife if you have money.

11. Get a mail order bride if you don’t have money.

12. Finally, remember that for every ugly man there is an ugly woman.

Free tips on how to attract, arouse any women, kiss test, and more Click Here

Why men don't talk about their feelings?

Fundamentally, men disclose less than women in nearly all situations. Generally, female to female self disclosure is the highest, male to male self disclosure is the lowest, and female to male self disclosure is in the middle. (Hill and Stull, 1987) Also, the relationship between the two people plays a large role in how much one self discloses. But generally, men don't express their feelings verbally out of fear of vulnerability that comes from it. Men are afraid they may get laughed at, scorned, hurt, rejected, or worst of all, fully accepted and loved. Then the woman will have all this power-the power of love to wield over their heads.

Jourard (a major player in self disclosure research) attributed this to the social roles of men and women:

"The male role requires men to appear tough, objective, striving, achieving, unsentimental, and emotionally unexpressive.. . . The male role, and the male's self-structure will not allow man to acknowledge or to disclose the entire breadth and depth of his inner experience to himself or to others. Man seems obliged, rather, to hide much of his real self—the ongoing flow of his spontaneous inner experience—from himself and from others. (Jourard, 1971, p. 35)"

Remember the "Hunter / Gatherer" Society? Men did the hunting, women did the gathering. Women chatted with one another during food gathering to signal that they were still there and alive, meaning that local leopard hadn't made lunch of them. Men, on the other hand, kept quiet on the hunt. Otherwise the hunted would hear them and leave for a safer place. Now women "gather" in supermarkets and at Macy's and spend hours doing it. When men hit Macy's, they're in and out in 10 minutes. Hunt shirt, find shirt, kill shirt, bring shirt home. However, there is a way men can be "primed" to disclose more. In one study, when men were given a survey measuring perceived self disclosure, they reported disclosing much less than women.

Yet, when men were asked to fill out a longer demographics questionnaire first which was in the essence self disclosing, they reported disclosing just as much as women did on the second questionnaire.

Thus, to get men to talk about more sensitive topics, get them talking about other things first, then slowly work your way into the target topic. Reassuring them about their social role not being compromised by self disclosure won't hurt either; let them know that talking about their feelings doesn't make them a wuss. To learn more about the way men think, sing up for a free newsletter by clicking here.

First Date Attraction

Once upon a time I was having dinner at a restaurant in the city. A couple sitting at a table next to mine attracted my attention. It seemed as though the man and the woman had just met. In fact it looked as if it was a blind date. Perhaps they were set up by a mutual friend, or met online. I was trying to figure out how they met. Even though I could not hear the conversation, I could tell by their body language that they had little to no connection.

They were sitting across the table from one another. They looked like they were both in their early thirties. The woman’s glass was half-empty. The man’s glass was, in fact, empty. A plate of appetizers was in the middle of the table.

I could see that the woman was talking, while the man was listening inattentively and barely participating in the exchange. She was sitting straight up and it looked as if she was looking down at her date while she was talking. At the same time, the man’s slouched shoulders and his entire posture suggested that he was the least comfortable.

Both people were attractive, however, it looked to me that the man was in fact a nice, perhaps a bit shy person, while the woman was clearly domineering, and what I refer to as a stuck-up bitch.

The fact that the man did not order another drink when the waiter arrived suggested that he was not interested in staying around much longer. Needless to say, when the food on the appetizer plate was consumed, mainly by the woman, while the man only had a chance to steal one piece, he asked for a check and the couple left.

Interestingly enough, when we meet someone we are attracted to, a different dynamics evolve almost instantaneously. It is easy to tell whether a couple is enjoying their time together or not. Recently I was directing a photo shoot for a print ad campaign for a catering company. We had invited a young couple to participate in the photo shoot. The young people did not know one another, as they had just met at the time of the shoot. The purpose of the shoot was to capture them at a bar while talking and enjoying their drinks. I asked my models to act as if they were having a good time on a date. However, the uneasiness of the situation had made them both stiff and uncomfortable. They looked as if they did not know what they were doing until I started making jokes.

“You have to act as if you really, really like each other,” I said.

They looked at each other, but I could not see the spark of chemistry between them.

“Act like you are on a date,” I said to the guy. “Do you date?”

“Not really,” he said.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

“A boyfriend?”
Making a joke worked as a magic wand. My models, the caterers and everyone else present at the photo shoot started laughing. I could tell that humor was what would help me get my models to relax. As I continued making jokes, my models felt more at ease and I was able to take some great shots. At the end of the shoot, I asked if I could use some of the pictures for this blog.

What I discovered at the time of the shoot was that some people don’t even know how they act when in fact they are attracted to someone. Have you ever seen two people together whom you would call a “true soul mates”? Look at how they act, how they look into each other’s eyes, how they interact, laugh, and make each other feel good. This is something that could not be falsely reproduced. It’s either there or it’s not. However, I keep receiving e-mails from people who ask me, “How do I know if my date liked me?” Well, you just know. Usually, if you feel as if you have known the other person, even though you have just met, here is your answer. Look at the other person’s expression, how they look at you when they are talking, how they touch you if they do at all, and many other subtle signs that tell you whether there is attraction. Pay attention how they react to you, and to what you say.

Attraction, even the first signs of it, goes beyond simple physical attraction. So many times I hear people say, “she was attractive, however, there was no chemistry”. When I ask them to identify what it was that was missing, they mumble “I don’t know, it just wasn’t it.”