When and how to call the guy you are dating

I receive e-mails from women who ask me when, how often, and under which circumstances should they call guys they date. To summarize my answer is, it depends of how long you have been in a relationship, how close your relationship is and many other factors, but general advice is Do Not Call The Guy You Date. Period. Well, of course, there are exceptions to this rule, and I want to give you some examples from my personal experience.

For instance, one of the guys I am dating is on his way to my house to pick me up. I suddenly realize that I don’t have any garbage bags left in the house, so I call him, knowing that he is already driving to my place, and ask him to go to seven-eleven on the way to get me some garbage bags. Yeah, I know, not everyone is as bold as I am to ask your date to pick up household items for her use LOL

Here is another example. You are supposed to go out with someone you date. Your date is already set up. Suddenly something comes up and you can’t make it. If this is the case, make sure you call him and let him know that you can’t make it.

He calls you first and leaves a message asking you to call him. Do call him back. There are rules that apply to returning men’s calls. Generally, the whole purpose of calling back is to find out why he called. When you return his call, and depending on how long it takes you to call him back, he may not even remember that he left you a message, or he may want to put you in the position to initiate a conversation. If you mistakenly take the lead, he will end up in the driver seat and you will immediately discount yourself, as if you were pursuing him instead of him pursuing you. To make sure that does not happen, when he answers your call, say “I am returning your call”, “You called?” “I got your message”, etc. and let him respond. That shows that you are simply being polite by returning his call but anticipate to hear what HE has to say and why HE called.

If he is not available when you call, leave a message saying you are returning his call. Nothing else needed to be said. Do not tell him what your entire schedule looks like and what your availability to answer the phone is going to be unless you know for sure there will be a time when you will not be available. In that case, simply say something like this “You can reach me before 3 PM or after 7 PM”. No need to specify that if he is not able to call at those times, he may feel free to leave a message. That goes without saying.

Here is another example of when it is appropriate to call someone you are dating. If the man you are dating allows you to use something of value that belongs to him, it is appropriate to call him if the purpose of the intended conversation is to discuss something concerning that item. I once dated a man who let me borrow one of his cars for my personal use on a daily basis. I felt that it was my responsibility to call from time to time just to ask if he would need his car that day. He had another car, so it wasn’t a big deal, but I felt that I should not treat his car as my own, so I always gave him the courtesy of letting him know that I was ready to return the car as needed.

But what if the man you are dating does not call you? The answer is simple. Do Not Call Him. If he doesn’t call you, he has his reasons, whatever they may be. He might just be too busy. After all, you don’t want a man who hangs around the house all day doing nothing. Do not be upset if he doesn’t call you “just to chat”. He is not your girlfriend. Men do not “just chat”. Do not call him to let him know about the things that happen to you as you go along with your date. Do not call him because your boss has made you upset. Do not call him if you hear the good news that you have been accepted at the university you have applied for. Save those things for when you see him. Even more so, if he is not all that into you, and sees your relationship as “just dating” for now. If you call him to share your emotions, he will perceive you as needy and may not want to see you in person after all.

Can you remember the last time he called you to tell you something exciting that happen to him? Not likely. But can you remember the last time he called you because he wanted to see you, ask you out, make arrangements for a Friday night, or ask if you wanted to go see a movie with him? More then likely it happened every single time he called. That is because men speak with actions, not words. He calls you because he wants to make arrangements to go out with you and he has cleared off his schedule for you, or he wants to find out if you are available to go out with him on a certain day, so that he can make appropriate arrangements. He doesn’t call you “just to chat”, right?

To summarize, when a man you date doesn’t call you, go on with your life. If and when he calls you, you will be in the driver seat. He may call you because he really wants to see YOU, or because he wants to go out and needs some company, or because the girl he is more interested in than in you is not available. Whatever the reason might be, you will always win if you Do Not Call Him First.

If you are so inclined, and really, really want to know and understand what men think about calling women, and about women calling them, when, how and why, check out this fantastic book called Calling Men that you can download here. I guarantee that after reading it you will feel incredible enlightened, relieved, empowered, and content with the way things are going in the dating aspect of your life. If you want to date and build a relationship with the man you’ve met effectively, this book explains everything about calling, e-mailing, text messaging, instant messaging, and more. It gives you great relationship advice in general and insight on how men think. Not only that, it is very well written from the literary standpoint, with a flare of great humor and is an enjoyable read on its own. This book is a page-turner and is guaranteed to provide you with some great enjoyable material, unless, of course, you just don’t like books and reading in general.