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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Guidelines for Online Dating

Online Dating Tips For bozos. Possibly you hombres suppose this is overbearing, but I gotta tell ya'll, directly when I talk to a gal who's dating online, it seems that there has to be some sorting out. Some regulations So to speak, some basic ‘do’s’ and ‘donts’ that you ridicules can use as a general template. So, as a communal help, I guessed I’d drop a line a a few rules here. now, believe me, I am fairly thorough that ninety nine percent of women on dating sites will fit in with majority of these regulations. Not too overwhelming of statistics, huh? Ladies, if you’re in correspondence, please back me on these finds. I don’t think I’m genuinely passing here, from what I’ve witnessed. Oh, and this is simply a first squawk at the can. I’ll try to write with a follow-up post as incumbent.

Posting exposures of your tool to women on an online personals site. I argued whether or not I need to work up to this principle with a couple of small tips, such as a warm-up to the principal event, but the fact is that there are only too many males adjudicating that a radiant, close-up shot of your tool is one of those time observed flagships of courtship. It ain’t. In case I’m being a little vague, let me reword this. Chicks don’t dig you sending pictures of your wily. They honestly don’t. I promise. Trust me, as entranced as you might be with the sight of your little wily, the great majority of adult females are not, and here’s the matter. It may be that there are a a couple of females that actually DO need to see dull, web-cam photos of the macho penis, from erotic samples that the sex has to provide. These women get this latest matter named “google” and if they depart to the picture domain and type in Idiots and schlongs they can discover all the photographs of guys like you that they could ever wish. In Earnest. Discover the pursuits in a dating site and look how many adult females have put “unsolicited dick shots” in there. Noticed any? There’s a reason.

Directly I’ve got by the crucial one, chaps, and directly we’re going to depart on some small formulas. These are not, by any entails a hundred percent certain, but I bet you will do well to at least give them a shot. Still with me? For the credibly half of you who are functionally illiterate (trust me, I’m basing this on anecdotal grounds from women on dating sites, that’s a pretty good estimate) and have a ‘spotter’ reading for you, ensure they’re reading lento.

Remember…if a female wants to see a picture of your wily, she’ll ask. If she wants to move in with you, she’ll mention at least that she disgusts living by herself. You’re likely NOT as cut as you think you are. Boys think playing ‘spy’ is modern…girls don’t. Intelligent is spelled with an ‘I’ to start and another ‘i’ is hidden in the middle. You’re not into ‘carz’ or drinking a ton of ‘beerz’ this weekend. Cars. Beers. Still if you CAN spell it right, don’t talk about cars or beers or bench pressing or your softball team…and they acknowledge you like sex. Promise. “Hey baby” is not a message, it’s the digital equivalent of honking your horn at a girl walking along the street.

And put your web cam away and your tool in your pants, because it’s not impressing anyone.

Recede on the kinship throttle and relieve the committal button. You’ve blabbed to someone a few times online, Maybe even contended to implore or extort a woman into really get together you for coffee or a drink or hold her on the phone aftermost a week or Indeed…don’t lead indicating you love them, or need to move in together or for Christ sakes, want to get married.. females have a word for that type of clingy, over the top, demanding case. It’s named…’weirdo’. You see, at this level, she experiences you just about as well as she does the guy who sits four seats upward of her on the passenger vehicle most days as she shifts to work, and even if you are certain that she is Cleopatra to your Mark Anthony (note to spotters: explain this is a historical reference and just implies that you really dig the chick)…she isn’t. You’re gonna gross her out. If you need to marry her after talking for two weeks…it implies you must wait two years before you marry. Earnestly. If you desire to marry her afterward talking for one week…you need to wait 20 years.

Images of you bending half naked. Two words. Individual editor. Some of you males get a six pack down there that anyone would desire to see…heck, I would wish to see…but most of you? It’s nothing extraordinary. So, before you shoot that pic of you doing your Hulk imitation in your boxers and not much else, do the Dames a favor and ask a true confidante “is this a peculiarly magnetic midsection?” since unless they say, ‘oh yeah’ you’re promoting you are stuck-up about a torso part you hold no business in being bragging about. T shirt. believe me.

4. Your business. Don’t put down that you’re an undercover agent. honestly don’t. Don’t allow for it blank and at the beginning conversation make odd hints that you can’t talk about your job…and then tell her, in trust, that you’re actually an federal agent with the CIA, FBI or NSA. Here’s why. bozos think that’s cool…it’s like playing cattlemen and Indians or something…you’re a boy, and you are attracted to the idea of pretending you’re a crucial, mysterious, super-spy international federal agent. females? They think, this means he’ll probably be at work a lot of holidays.” And in the issue that you two DO hit it off and walk off into the sunset…yeah, she’s reasoning “I’m getting stuck with most of the diaper responsibilities and all the time the youngsters wake up in the night”. You see, that’s a boy’s illusion for a job. You want to propel a female with a lie about your work? Tell her you’re a chef or an highly well paid housecleaner (and that you LOVE your make). Oh, and I wouldn’t note this principle unless I had heard about it actually happening…don’t put your line of work as ‘model’ with an obviously pro picture sneaked from any magazine site and THEN tell them you ‘moonlight for the FBI’. beginning off, FBI agents don’t hold second jobs in a business that will hold their expressions posted everywhere. Second, they don’t blow their cover on online dating sites.

I recognize, I know…the dating profile is implied to give you an chance to identify yourself and you need to tell ‘em how fashionable you are. You should. It’s a satisfactory idea. But please…it is spelled “Intelligent”. Not…”intellegent”. I note this because the first time I saw it, I chalked it up to chance…the second time an odd concurrence and the third…a very worrisome trend. Mind, I recognize, typos are section of the online reality, and I give ‘em as much slack as anyone, but on THIS …well, it’s kind of important, if you are saying you’re intelligent, to at least be able to prove this by spelling the countersign correctly. If it’s too hard to remember, just say you’re “smart”. It’s easier to spell. As an aside, it’s easier if you simply show them you’re terrific, rather than say you are and then explain you’re sensitive and looking for that extraordinary someone by listing your interests as “beer, cars and sex”. Oh, and also, if you’re saying you’re funny…be funny…if you’re ‘into readin’ (and yes, I’ve seen it put that way), list some of the books you’ve recently read…still if they are picture books and still if you aren’t sure if that makes you sound dorky (it doesn’t). Reading was considered ‘dorky’ my cute girls in grade four, and while that’s the reading level many of you bozos are still struggling with, most girls aren’t going to think less of you because you say you love reading John Irving.

If you are older than 19. The letter ‘z’ is not used, generally speaking, to pluralize words. Don’t do that. For those of you who are 18 years old and believe that this formula does not apply to you, I implied 19 months.

I acknowledge I’ve mentioned no c*ck shots. just wanted to reiterate. Don’t.

Females who list ‘sex’ in their interests do not mean ‘sex with you’ or ‘sex with every jag off who messages me’ or ‘I’m easy’. Men who list ‘sex’ in their pursuits are wasting their time. females are all assuming we are interested in that. Unless you list Catholic Priest as an job, but given what I’ve been reading in the news, even that’s no guarantee.

Women couldn’t leave a shit how much you bench press…how many beers you drank last weekend…what you plan to fix on your car/ATV/lawnmower this weekend…or why your softball team didn’t win the game last night. Seriously. They don’t. You’re intellegent…think of something ELSE to talk about.

If you actually like something a girl said in her profile…or if her picture truly caught your eye…do not send her a message that starts with or solely consists of “Hey baby”, or “You sexy”, and I can’t actually believe I’m having to say this but chatty evidence sometimes speaks volumes…”wanna hook up?” Try out ‘Hi, I honestly wanted to say hello, and let you acknowledge I actually enjoyed your profile” or “I’m * and wanted to see if you’d mind talking sometime” or “I read the formulas, and I promise no c*ck shots and no marriage proposals…but how about talking?” confide me. It takes about twenty seconds more and makes a HUGE difference. Oh, and while we’re at it, if you just send messages to hundreds of adult females at a time and are actually typing out ‘hey baby’ to all of them…save yourself the time, it’s named ‘cut and paste’ you moron.

There. Ten quick rules…none of them seem that arduous, and if you’re a guy sitting there and thinking “well, duh…”, that’s fine…it’s not about you. But you’d be surprised… I recognize more than a few females here will attest to the fact that if every guy followed the above rules, their experiences would be a lot more positive…So we’re sort of clearing the air.

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