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Friday, July 11, 2008

Dating Mr. Nice Guy

Don’t we all dream of meeting someone who will be nice to us and treat us with kindness? We sure do. But when we say Mr. Nice guy, what we really mean is a spineless doormat, or a pimpled geek who was brutally picked on throughout his high-school years and who is so fearful of the outside world that he prefers a company of his PC and a Playboy vs. real-world challenges of dating.

When we first meet a Mr. Nice Guy we find that he is so sweet, nice and innocent that we immediately compelled to pet him like a cute little puppy or a small child, because we think Mr. Nice Guy is a real sweetheart. Mr. Nice Guy is not the type who can strike a spark of chemistry. After all, he is so shy and fearful (the opposite of confident), that the only feeling he can possibly trigger is empathy. We may appreciate his shyness, kindness and that sick-puppy look on his face when he looks up to us with adoration, but to strike inter-gender interest, it is just not enough.
Sometimes, however, you may not be able to recognize Mr. Nice Guy the second you meet him. He may be hiding behind an impressive diploma and a high-profile job, and may not even show his intimidation first time you meet him.
If you decide to give him a chance, you really are taking chances. Mr. Nice Guy tends to become overly jealous, possessive, and even abusive or plain stalker. Because Mr. Nice Guy usually doesn’t have much of a life, he may become extremely attached and needy almost immediately. He is so afraid to lose the slightest hope he has for having you as his girlfriend, that he starts calling you incessantly, requiring you to spend all of your free time with him, requiring your constant physical presence, knowing every minute where you are at, who you are with and what you are doing. If you don’t answer his call, he will start worrying that something wrong is going on. If you don’t return his call immediately or worse yet, within a couple of hours, he may show up at your door, wait for you on your door step and stalk you at various places you frequent.
Ever had that happen to you? Not a good thing, is it? Here is how you can recognize the danger potential the first time you meet Mr. Nice Guy.
He is so smitten by you that he doesn’t want the evening to end. After a movie he will ask you for a dinner. After dinner he will ask you for a drink. If you say you have to go home, he will ask you to walk around the block so that you two can talk longer. If you say no, he will hold your hand in his, while looking at you with the look in his eyes that resemble that poor little puppy you found on the street when you were five. He will ask you several times if it’s ok to call you and demand you make promise to see him again. He will want to walk you to your apartment door, so that he can ensure you are home safe. He will touch you excessively, pet your hand, touch your hair, stop at every block if you are walking down the street so that he can give you another hug. He generally acts as if you are already a loving couple after you have just met. To Mr. Nice Guy you are the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and while it is a nice thing to know, do you really want to end up with someone who is holding you so tight in his arms that he doesn’t let you breathe?


  1. You paint a grim picture of a nice guy. Not all nice guys are stalkers or cling-ons just some of them. No wonder why nice guys finish last!

  2. You've done a fair job of relating the stereotype, but I don't think that it holds true. In my experience, the nicest people are generally the most confident and successful ones--the ones who don't have anything to prove by putting other people down and are satisfied enough with themselves and their lives that they know they can spare the time and energy and emotional bandwidth to focus on someone else. Some of the nicest and most considerate men I know own successful companies, travel the world, climb is even a rock star.

  3. Ha! I never did date nice guys when I was dating. Guess i didn't miss much! Sounds terrible. Maybe I always subconsciously knew what they were like and steered clear?!

  4. Wow! Mr. Niceguy sound more like Mr. Nightmare! A real sicko that could become dangerous.

    Watch out for Mr. Niceguy, ladies!

  5. Wow. That's not the definition of a nice guy, that's the definition of a person who needs therapy. There's a HUGE freaking difference. If this is how women see "nice guys" make no wonder then end up with nasty men for mates.

  6. Thats not Mr. Nice Guy you just described. Thats Mr. Crazy Guy, the dude that doesn't know how to process relationships and the emotions that go along with them.
    Steer clear of Mr. Crazy Guy. They give Mr. Nice Guys a bad rep. Just know the difference.

    Mr. Nice Guy's finish last because they never make the move they should have a long time ago and let the girl of their dreams escape.

    Buzz Buzz :)

  7. I do see your point on your blog entry and i easily can identify with how you feel about "Nice Guys", though there are some comments which i do not agree with.

    Men shouldn't be spineless doormats, that's for sure. They should give their girlfriends time to be themselves and help them grow individually. Girls love space. I feel there is a limit to how emotionally needy one "nice guy" could get.

    Not all "nice guys" are like everything you've described, but they do share some certain traits you've described inn your blog. It's just that those who have those undesirable traits should really go and build up their confidence more.

  8. Thats not Mr. Nice Guy you described, thats Mr. Crazy Guy. Their scientific name of course is Crazyrostis guyannuus. Their most common place of habitat is a bar, club, mom's house; they like to fool their prey by putting up a thin layer of camouflage and mimicking the attributes of a Nice Guy. They watch from a distance until ready to pounce and once there Crazyrostis guyannuus touches insistently and becomes incredibly attached to their prey. Its easy to spot Crazyrostis guyannuus by the question it asks, "Is something wrong?" Then you know you have a Mr. Crazy Guy on your hands. To avoid Crazyrostis guyannuus, simply find a Badassursus arctos horriblis most common name is Badass friend to get rid of him.

    Mr. Nice Guys finish last because they never make a move and let the girl of their dreams slip away. They finish last because they never take the risk to be with the person they want.

    Buzz Buzz

  9. Sounds more like Mr. Psycho/Stalker/Serial Killer guy than Mr. Nice Guy.

    I've dated a couple "Nice Guys" and none of them were like the crazy reject that you described.

  10. Hey! Dating mister perfect is a booore! Nothing can be compared with an excitement of being with a bad guy. You never know what to expect and where you will end up!


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